Carlton Knows Breakdancing Secrets!

I remember seeing this commercial for the first time seven or eight years ago. My girlfriend at the time had about four hours of USA’s “Cartoon Express” on video tape; we killed an afternoon watching the entire thing once, and the Breakin’ and Poppin’ ad came on approximately every five seconds. If you think Alfonso’s spiel is funny the first time, try viewing it repeatedly for a number of hours interspersed with shitty Reagan-era animated tripe.

There was a high demand in the eighties for breakdancing secrets. I certainly thought back then if I could master the mysterious art of poppin’ and lockin’ I’d have a much more fulfilling life. Of course, back then I also thought female genitalia operated like the giant beast from Alien. My mother had the birds and bees talk with me when I was way too young to understand it. As a result, I gleaned most of my sexual knowledge from monster movies. This is why I brought condoms and a chainsaw with me on my first date in high school.

But I digress. I wonder how Alfonso feels about Breakin’ and Poppin’ now. Do you think he still has the moves? He clearly still had them when he was on “Fresh Prince”: