Bad News, Willie

Just for shits and giggles, I visited the NBC Experience store at Rockefeller Center this weekend. I like TV, I like useless crap—it seemed like a win-win situation. I was actually on the lookout for something specific. No, not a Dwight Schrute bobblehead. No, not a “Heroes” action figure. No, not even a Brian Fellows t-shirt adorned with the hilarious catchphrase, “That’s Crazy!”

I was looking for “ALF” merchandise, but they didn’t have any. At all.

This struck me as odd only because there’s an entire section of the Experience devoted to hit shows NBC had in the ’80s, including but not limited to “Punky Brewster,” “Saved By The Bell,” and (ahem) “Charles In Charge.” Thanks, but I’ll pass on the cheap poly/cotton blend boasting Scott Baio’s grinning teenage visage. Where the hell was everyone’s favorite wise-cracking Melmacian? He’s been banished, it seems, not even allowed to collect dust on the clearance rack with the Donald Trump “You’re Fired!” t-shirts.

So WTF is going on? I smell a conspiracy. There used to be mountains of “ALF” stuff at the NBC-E. Seriously, the plushies were piled to the ceiling as late as 2004. If it turns out the Peacock sold Gordon Shumway and all his subsidiary rights to Disney, I will personally lead the crusade for Jeff Zucker’s fat, bald head.

Obviously the only way to get to the bottom of this is to hang out at 30 Rock all day every day and harass anyone walking by who looks like they might be involved with the network brass. As soon as I can find someone willing to do that for me pro bono, we’ll get started. In the meantime, please enjoy this “ALF” blooper real I recently found on YouTube (complete with hilarious Rod Serling, Rodney Dangerfield, and Psycho impressions courtesy of ALF himself):