Alec Baldwin Is A Sad Panda
Poor Alec Baldwin. He may be the most successful and dominant figure of the entire Baldwin clan, but he’s still feelin’ blue about his career. Take a look at this most recent of quotes:
‘I don’t have any interest in acting anymore,’ Baldwin, 51, told Men’s Journal in an interview for its December issue.
Baldwin, best-known for his Emmy-award winning role in the NBC comedy ’30 Rock’ and the man chosen to co-host the 2010 Oscar ceremony, added: ‘Movies are a part of my past. It’s been 30 years. I’m not young, but I have time to do something else.’
‘I consider my entire movie career a complete failure,’ he told Men’s Journal. ‘The goal of movie-making is to star in a film where your performance drives the film, and the film is either a soaring critical or commercial success, and I never had that.'”
Aw, come on, tiger! You sound even sadder than Fred Durst. Things really aren’t that bad. Everyone remembers The Hunt For Red October. That’s like the definitive Jack Ryan movie! And the only reason anyone talks about Glengarry Glen Ross anymore is because of how awesomely you hijacked the whole picture with your “always be closing” speech. Lookit how good you are:
Of course, I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the hilarious Christmas-themed parody of that scene you did a few years ago on “Saturday Night Live” (“You call yourself an elf, you son of a bitch?”). You know you’re always awesome when you host “Saturday Night Live,” right, Alec?
What about Beetlejuice? Alec Baldwin, you were in Beetlejuice! I think we can all finally agree that movie is the best thing Tim Burton ever did. Decades from now, depressed pre-teen girls will still be religiously watching you stretch your face into that weird anteater thing and wondering if they’ll one day find their own Adam Maitland to wander with through limbo. I mean, sure, Beetlejuice is the immediate sex appeal or fun of that realm, but ultimately, I think every person in this world yearns for a stability the “Ghost With The Most” just can’t provide.
So you never got your Amadeus. Big deal. You still improve everything you’re in. C’mon, Alec, I know this is just an early onset of Christmas depression. Buck up, chief! America—nay, the world—loves you, and we want you to keep acting until your testicles are hanging down past your knees. Someone’s gotta stay in the limelight reppin’ Massapequa, NY. Seinfeld’s more or less retired, no one’s paying any attention to what Dee Snider’s doing these days, and does anyone even know if Brian Setzer’s still alive? Seriously, where is that guy? I have an easier time sniffing out Levi and the Rockcats.