An Open Letter To Cornucopia Beverages

Dear Cornucopia Representatives:

Recently there’s been a lot of discussion / debate / controversy over product placement in blogs. People are rapidly growing concerned that the sanctity of our “blogosphere” is being ruined by savvy corporate marketing engineers, who are paying influential and popular bloggers to write subtle advertisements for certain products within the text of their blog posts. The most recent “offender” is Absolut Vodka, who distributed flip cameras and free booze to Brooklyn-based writers who name-checked their trendy swill in stories about dog walking or vegan chili or whatever the heck it is most of these people are scribbling about on the Internet.

While it is somewhat disheartening to see the purity of anything shattered by the cold hand of Corporate America, I have come to accept this as an inevitability. Something’s got to keep our struggling economy afloat. This is why I’m contacting you. As luck would have it, I have a blog. It’s called JG2Land (jgtwo.wordpress.com), and I like to think of it as my electronic spiraled notebook where I put ideas and stories I can’t sell as freelance work to more reputable media outlets. The main focus is pop culture (i.e. movies, television, all that junk) but sometimes I do offer whimsical stories from my childhood that seem to please the core audience.

JG2Land snags about 900 unique visitors a day; admittedly, that doesn’t exactly put me on par with Perez Hilton or probably even Tony Danza, but you’d be surprised at some of the powerful individuals who fall into my readership. Albert Pyun, director of the ill-fated 1990 Captain America movie, has repeatedly expressed his pleasure with my writing in JG2Land’s comments section. I’m pretty sure I also once saw a paparazzi photo of Jimmie Walker reading my blog in the business center of whatever cruise ship currently employs him.

As I understand it, Cornucopia Beverages, you are the company who bottles and distributes Moxie, the bitter soft drink that for years was only available in the northern most corners of New England. Being from Connecticut, I have a true affinity for Moxie and its medicine-like taste. Why, I’ve been known to drive up to two and half hours just to procure a six pack! It’s a fine beverage, and I do believe with 100% certainty that Ted Williams wouldn’t have been half the hitter he was without Moxie’s obvious muscle-enriching properties.

I would now like to extend an offer to exclusively reference Moxie in future blog posts on JG2Land. In exchange, money would be nice, but I’ll take a regular supply of the beverage delivered to me in lieu of cold hard cash. I know you folks have been trying to expand Moxie’s reach into the furthest corners of the country, and I can think of no better way to raise brand awareness than allowing me to officially promote your beverage on my fabulous and funderful JG2Land blog.

I thank you for your time and consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you. Hopefully, together we can make Moxie the most beloved and significant soft drink of this new decade.

Sincerely,

James Greene, Jr.