EFB4: Mr. Wong’s 8th Wonder Kitchen

“I don’t drink,” I said as ineffectually as possible as I drew my eyes up from the pitcher of Yuengling.

“Still?” she sighed. “I thought by now you’d at least be drinking beer.”

Awkward silence ensued. I don’t know how to explain this anymore. I played youth soccer all through elementary school and hated it. I wore Teva sandals and hated it. I went to college and I think I should get a medal for not stabbing anyone. Just give me my non-alcoholic lifestyle and I won’t fart on your decision to actively follow professional basketball.

And scene.

I ate lunch at a Chinese restaurant called Mr. Wong’s 8th Wonder Kitchen today. I was disappointed when I got to the “Kitchen” part when I was first reading the name. I was expecting something more along the lines of “Emporium” or “Explosion.” The food was some of the finest cat I’ve had since 2008. I swear to Val Kilmer they were playing some variation of the “Mega Man” theme when I first entered. Later, a far east rendition of what had to be Joy Division’s “Love Will Tear Us Apart” filled the dining area, and at that moment I knew Ian Curits had not died in vain.

Mr. Wong’s, by the way, is located in a town called DeBary. Adam Sandler filmed part of The Waterboy in DeBary over a decade ago and the town has yet to erect a statue in his honor. What a bunch of ungrateful jerks. Billy Madison himself graces them with big-time Hollywood bucks, and they turn up their noses like he’s the Unknown Comic. No wonder we never got a sequel.

Time to go. I have an appointment to be bombarded with hype about how great “Mad Men” is.