What I Learned On My Summer Vacation

– if it weren’t for me, my dad would not be able to identify Michael Keaton or Ozzy Osbourne

– the Fazoli’s in Orange City is becoming a Five Guys burger place, which means Olive Garden has officially won the Italian food wars of the city where I once slung tacos and VHS cassette tapes (not at the same time)

– eight-thirty in the morning is not too early for a Craigslist hookup regarding musical instruments

– Ludacris is still making music, and it’s still pretty fucking good

– my friend James B. keeps a DVD of Singles in his pickup truck because he “can’t stop staring” at Matt Dillon’s long hair

– I still own a copy of the Belinda Carlisle issue of Playboy

– my mom has basically the correct kind of garments to make a hilarious-looking Truman Capote costume

– my mom used to have a huge crush on Tim Considine from “My Three Sons” (“He was right up there with Tony Dow!”)

– I have really great friends living down in the Sunshine State

– time flies when your father is busting your balls about what kind of taquitos you like to eat