Things That Did Not Occur At Last Night’s Big 4 Concert At Yankee Stadium

– John Bush did not magically appear onstage during the Anthrax set to perform a deep cut from Stomp 442

– Dave Mustaine did not make any politically misguided statements about Ireland

– Megadeth did not pull out a nine minute cover of R.E.M.’s “Shiny Happy People”

– Kerry King (pictured) did not wear assless chaps

– Metallica did not invite Dave Mustaine onstage during their set to publicly apologize for stealing all those songs from him back in the day

– Slayer did not use black magic to summon the ghost of Mickey Mantle for an unexpected encore of “Haunting the Chapel”

So, in short, the bands all played it maddeningly safe, even though the vast majority will probably never play a venue as esteemed as Yankee Stadium again. C’mon, Anthrax, you could have at least brought Darryl Strawberry onstage for the angriest version of “Bring the Noise” ever performed by a World Series champ.

Glad I didn’t drop any clams to see this.