Angry Consumer Rejects Theory Of Continuous Sheen Winning

Calendar stores: they exist, and right now many of them are trying to squeeze the final savory drops out of 2011’s greatest/most uncomfortable celebrity meltdown. Sorry, Madison Avenue, but “Winning!” is headed back in time, not forward, to the same marketing graveyard that entombs the Budweiser frogs and Burger King’s disastrous “I’m Not Herb” campaign. The party’s over.

In other news: Sarah Michelle Gellar has hypnotized me with her intense stare and perfect hair forever. What’s that, Sarah? Watch the Scooby Doo movies? Okay, whatever you say.

Guest bird flip courtesy of Andrew “D-Roc” McMahon.