In Which I Expose The Arsenio Hall/Bill Clinton Conspiracy

June 3, 1992: Presidential candidate Bill Clinton engages a devastating political move when he appears on “The Arsenio Hall Show” to perform an Elvis Presley song via saxophone whilst wearing cool guy shades. The stunt endears Clinton to several vital demographics at once (urban youths aged 18-34, struggling Ray-Ban wholesalers, Clarence Clemons stalkers) and basically wins him the November election.

February 12, 1999: Despite voting for his impeachment just two months earlier, the U.S. Senate acquits President Bill Clinton of the perjury and obstruction of justice counts he committed during the Monica Lewinsky investigation. This date is also Arsenio Hall’s forty-third birthday.

WE’RE THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS HERE, PEOPLE.