Mattel To Mass Produce Pink Hunks Of Plastic

The Mattel toy company’s “totally awesome” replica of the Marty McFly Back to the Future 2 hover board (due for Christmas 2012) is set to include “multiple whooshing sounds” and will “glide over most surfaces.” Before you have a nergasm, read the fine print—this fake future item “does not actually hover.” Could you imagine the lawsuits that might erupt if it actually did?

You know, a carrot can glide over most surfaces as well, and it probably tastes way better. So why not just buy a carrot in December instead of this overpriced hunk of consumer waste meant to jab your nostalgia bone? It’s not like they’re gonna be able to release fifteen Jaws sequels before then anyway.