Potential Plot Lines For The New “ALF” Movie

Oh, you didn’t hear? ALF might come back, albeit not in pog form. Paul Fusco wants to mount a brand new feature film based around our favorite Melmacian. Why the hell not? They made a goddamn Battleship movie. Hey Paul, feel free to swipe one of the following ideas:

– ALF escapes his government captors and hides out in the furry community where he learns not every anthropomorphized wolf is as innocent as he or she seems

– ALF escapes his government captors and becomes America’s latest cryptid obsession after he’s videotaped rummaging through a 7-11 dumpster; fleeing to the woods of rural Virginia, ALF is shunned by the Bigfoot community until he brokers peace between the Sasquatches and a band of angry hunters

– ALF escapes his government captors and stows away on a flight to Korea where he is outraged to learn dog is an acceptable meal choice; passing himself off as a hyper-intelligent golden retriever, ALF campaigns for canine rights whilst trying to cover up his shameful appetite for cats

– ALF escapes his government captors and, using information he stole from FBI supercomputers, hacks numerous bank accounts connected to the rich and powerful; a month-long shopping spree ensues, eventually ending in a tense standoff outside a Sandusky Wal-Mart

– ALF escapes his government captors and is immediately hit by a car; the rest of the movie is an endless loop of that one episode where he lip synched that Bob Seger song