Choose Your Own Adventure

Let’s say reincarnation is real and you can choose between the following two options for your next life:

– you are reincarnated as Twiggy the Waterskiing Squirrel; you will be shamelessly exploited at every turn via “local color” news stories and questionable movies like Dodgeball but you’ll also get to waterski all the time

– you are reincarnated as Bandit the World’s Fattest Raccoon; you will be shamelessly exploited at every turn via “local color” news stories and people who just want to see you get fatter so you can break more records but you’ll also get to eat chocolate all the time

Which path do you choose? As the squirrel, you also get a nifty vest.