Q: Have You Ever Blacked Out?

A: Yes, just once, on a roller coaster. I went to Cedar Point in 2006 and blacked out at the top of their tallest roller coaster, which at the time held some major height record (tallest in North America?). I remember my little carriage slowly climbing the first massive incline and I remember maybe half a minute later when my carriage was racing through a series of wild twists and turns, but the “money shot” is just completely blank. Upon exiting this coaster, which surprisingly did nothing to upset my stomach, I said aloud, “Man, I blacked out on that thing!” and a kid who was maybe nine whipped his head around with a look of pure disgust on his face. You pathetic old man, he probably thought. I made no apologies to him for being twenty-seven.

Sure, it may have been the altitude what felled me, but that weekend I was also bidding on a sales associate jacket from disgraced electronic retailer Crazy Eddie on eBay. So, as you can understand, I was just racked with nerves. It was a beautiful black satin job with the Crazy Eddie logo in yellow across the back. I asked my friend Michael to watch the auction while I was away but I was still worried he might fall asleep or die before the crucial auction ending juncture. Well, all those fears were unfounded—I won the darn thing and wore it with pride until a girl I later dated convinced me it was the worst piece of clothing I owned. I resold my Crazy Eddie jacket on eBay and made no profit.