Alec Baldwin’s Nipples Were Last Seen In The Late Eighties

And everyone wonders why Alec Baldwin’s always blowing up at people—he’s got a fucking washcloth growing on his chest. Look at that monster. That’s like one of the creatures from Alien. That’s like some Kal-El Kryptonian hair, the kind you can’t cut with our weak Earthly blades. It probably grows eight times faster than the rest of his hair.

Alec, my brother: from now on you get a pass. I can see the pain on your face, the sheer torture. I hope in your next life you come back as an albino swimmer.