2013’s Ultimate Sun-Soaked Summer Jammy Jam Is Here

Nothing says flip-flops and sand in your shorts quite like extreme female metal J-pop (or however you’re supposed to classify this brilliance). I’ll be blasting this sucker all summer as I beach myself next to my parents’ pool, Shirley Temple in hand, female medium Hooters shirt wrapped around my sausage-like torso.

P.S. Indeed, I am “summering” at my parents’ house in Florida this year, so don’t waste your time combing Kings County in search of two-eyed Jimmy. The Sunshine State is where you’ll find me, marveling at this wonder the natives call “central” air. I promise to keep the “oh boy, my parents are wacky, look at this thing I found!” posts to a minimum.