Q: What Would You Name Your Kid If You Ever Had One?

A: Six months into every relationship I hand my girlfriend the following list of gender neutral proposed baby monikers. She is encouraged to circle (with a pencil) the ones she finds least offensive. Potential additions to the list may be submitted ten days later via affidavit.

Melman
Rudiger
Starshine
Fruit Bat
By-Tor
Probot
Thundereesi
Jandek
Kwondar
Frundildum
Cassette Deck
Teri Garr

So far I’ve never been anywhere near the realm of having to whittle my selections down to a single name (this exercise in general is a fantastic pregnancy deterrent) but I imagine a game of dice would resolve any disputes that arise in the hours before birth.