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Billionaires Should Not Exist

Bloody Disgusting has published a very flattering review of my new book A Convenient Parallel Dimension: How Ghostbusters Slimed Us Forever. Ike Oden writes that ACPD is “the definitive, unexpurgated story of the beloved film franchise and its central players. Finally, ghostheads have their own gospel, a Tobin’s Spirit Guide of thoroughly researched and thoughtfully disseminated Ghostbusters history.”

Oden sums up the book as “an addictively written, utterly engrossing read, and an absolute must-have stocking stuffer for fans this holiday season.” Thanks! Although I don’t think the book will fit in a stocking. Maybe you should wrap it up with a nice ribbon.

Remember, if you buy A Convenient Parallel Dimension directly from the publisher right now you can save 35% off with the code 22JOYSALE. This is a cool deal. It saves you some money and ensures that absolutely no money goes to Jeff Bezos. Sale ends on January 6th, 2023.

Speaking of odious billionaire scum, Elon Musk was making it feel extremely gross to remain on Twitter so I deactivated my account. It’s a bummer. For all its pre-Elon problems, Twitter was tough to beat as a news aggregate. There were tons of people on there who clued me in on social issues that never got amplification anywhere else. It was an awesome comedy aggregate too. The hardest laughs in the past decade came from anonymous weirdos tweeting like they had nothing to lose. Most importantly, I met my wife on Twitter.

So Twitter was a valuable resource in those respects and it sucks that the world’s richest edgelord is tanking it because all his kids hate him and his all his ex-wives hate him and everyone sensible person in the world hates him because he’s perpetually full of shit and his cars keep murdering people. Just another reason this country needs a maximum wage. No one should be able to spend $44 billion on a utility just so they can treat it like a pile of Legos. Billionaires should not exist!

Meanwhile, the rest of us are just trying to afford groceries. That reminds me — if you enjoy my writing, please consider becoming a paid subscriber to this blog. For the nominal fee of $2 a month, JG2LAND PREMIUM unlocks a tier of exclusive content that’s continuously growing. Here are the pieces subscribers have enjoyed thus far:

Ass My Kiss (history behind KISS tribute album Kiss My Ass)

Too Hot To Stop (review of Live Wire, a.k.a. the exploding clown movie)

Witchy Woman (review of “Tucker’s Witch” pilot starring Kim Cattrall)

The Individual Will Be Destroyed (review of The Parallax View)

The Anti-Remake Remake? (history behind Gus Van Sant’s Psycho)

“Faerie Tale Theatre,” Reviewed (reviews of Shelley Duvall’s masterwork)

Danny And Sandy Control The Universe (review of Two of a Kind)

Your membership fee also helps support all the free stuff I post around here, like my story about trying to do a Dead Kennedys book and my piece on the deadly Pepsi revolt of 1992. Help support independent writing, help support me and my beautiful wife and my beautiful children and my beautiful guinea pigs. Sign up for JG2LAND PREMIUM today.

Sign Up For JG2LAND PREMIUM

$2 a month — that’s cheaper than eggs!

Enjoy your holiday season and remember, the pandemic is not over. Please keep masking and avoiding large crowds. Let’s make 2023 the safest year yet. I mean, as safe as we can be in a country with no gun control.

Ass My Kiss

For JG2LAND PREMIUM Subscribers Only

The lore behind the 1994 KISS tribute album Kiss My Ass: Classic Kiss Regrooved is pretty wild. $2 a month gets you access to this important KISStory lesson plus all my other exclusive content! Wow, cool deal!

She’s So Unusual

This review was originally published via The Classical Mess, a Substack I was doing a few years ago before I found out they gave money to bigots.

“By the way, if you listen to the very end of ‘She Bop,’ you’ll hear that Michael Jackson took the bass line and wrote ‘Bad’ from it. Right before he went in to record ‘Bad’ he sat behind me on an airplane with Emmanuel Lewis and he was listening to ‘She Bop.’ Anyway, it doesn’t matter. I’m very flattered by even the thought of that.”

This snippet from Cyndi Lauper’s eponymous 2012 memoir arrives in the midst of a lengthy passage about touring Romania in the early 21st Century. It’s not an isolated incident of narrative interruption. Turns out you can take the girl out of Queens but you can’t take the unpredictable tangent out of the New York storyteller. When Lauper mentions her home in Connecticut she confirms that it’s in the same area where that lady had her face ripped off by a chimp and she meditates on that for a few beats.

Michael Jackson isn’t the only superstar Lauper accuses of plagiarism in Cyndi Lauper: A Memoir. According to her, Bruce Springsteen lifted the template of her song “Sally’s Pigeons” for his Oscar and Grammy-winning effort “Streets of Philadelphia.” Lauper was less enthused with this theft and she has another Bruce anecdote where he acted coldly towards her at a party. Let’s get these two on “WTF” so they can hash it out.

Cyndi Lauper: A Memoir presents a familiar trajectory — hard scrabble upbringing, a years long “overnight” success, lonely times at the top, listening to 50 Cent while you drive your son to hockey practice. Lauper endured her share of abuse on the journey through celebrity, underscoring a real tenacity, and she’s candid regarding her own mistakes. The example springing to mind per the latter is, for lack of a better term, fucking insane: Lauper once referred to herself using the n word (with a hard “r”) during a record company meeting early in her career.

Lauper says she was referencing Yoko Ono’s controversial quote about women that employs the epithet and claims she “wasn’t sensitive” at that age to the “long history of abuse and slavery and horror” sewn into those six letters. I don’t buy the second half of this 70-year-old white woman’s defense but at least she’s not pretending she didn’t say the n word. And at no point does she use the “some of my best friends” crutch.

Did you know Cyndi Lauper had a recurring role on 1990s sitcom “Mad About You?” I didn’t. Lauper praises Paul Reiser as one of Hollywood’s true nice guys but says Helen Hunt was a little crazy with power. Specific examples are not provided, so the “Mad About You” historians have their work cut out for them.

The great Jancee Dunn co-authored Cyndi Lauper: A Memoir but, as noted, it doesn’t feel like much editorial work was applied. In addition to all the bizarre tributaries, the tone is inconsistent. Sometimes Lauper writes like a normal person and sometimes she lapses into the phonetic quack of a Bowery Boy. The latter is cute, though occasionally it obscures Lauper’s thesis on a given topic.

Was there friction between Lauper and Dunn? The copy of Cyndi Lauper: A Memoir I own is autographed by Lauper and when I received it the jacket was bent in such a way that Dunn’s photo was not visible. Let the conspiracy theories flow.

A Convenient Parallel Dimension Audiobook Plus Other News

The audiobook of A Convenient Parallel Dimension: How Ghostbusters Slimed Us Forever has been released! It’s available via Google Play (click here) and Apple Books (click here). Twelve engrossing hours narrated by the incredible Tim Dixon. What better way to drown out the ills of the world?

Of course you can still buy the silent, three dimensional version of ACPD and if you buy it directly from the publisher right now they’ll take 35% off the price with the code 22JOYSALE. Wow, not a bad deal. Click clicky!

The best deal of all is free, so ask your local library to get a few copies of A Convenient Parallel Dimension if they haven’t already. Support your local library! Support all libraries! They are vital to functioning communities!

Still on the fence about reading this book? Consider these critical appraisals. “A deeper dive into Ghostbusters than anything before,” says Chris Stewart, founder of long-running Ghostbusters news source Proton Charging. “I love this book like Winston loved New York!” raves Book Bits emcee Dave Kirby. Noted Ghostbusters fan / historian Alex Newborn also posted a very positive video review on his YouTube channel.

I’ve been on two podcasts to talk about ACPDEpisode 253 of People Are The Enemy and Episode 149 of The Hungry Trilobyte Podcast. Big thanks to Andy Mascola and Aaron Bossig, the respective hosts of these shows. Both are awesome dudes.

Well, that’s the update for now. Thanks to everyone for your interest. I hope bustin’ always makes you feel good.

Too Hot To Stop

For JG2LAND PREMIUM Subscribers Only

$2 a month gets you access to this review of Pierce Brosnan’s exploding clown movie Live Wire plus all my other exclusive content! Wow, cool deal!

It’s Slime Time, Baby

Why did Yaphet Kotto turn down a role in the original Ghostbusters? What was Slavitza Jovan doing before she was Gozer? Was there a fistfight on the set of Ghostbusters II? What was it like making the 2016 reboot? What’s the deal with that “Ghostbusters go to Hell” script? All these questions and many more are answered in A Convenient Parallel Dimension: How Ghostbusters Slimed Us Forever, the most thorough and detailed book ever written about this famous film franchise. Written by me, Jim Greene!

The official release date for A Convenient Parallel Dimension is 11/1/22 but tale is told that people are beginning to receive preordered copies right now. Not sure what the story is there but I can tell you if you buy this book directly from the publisher at Rowman.com instead of Amazon I make more money. So take that into consideration when making your purchase. Of course, it’s not about the lettuce. Ask your local library to get some copies so people can read this incredible history for free.

Early reviews have been flattering. Noted Ghostbusters fan / historian Alex Newborn offered a very positive video critique of the book. Proton Charging, one of the longest running Ghostbusters news aggregates around, made me blush when they compared my work to the Webb Telescope. Keep the praise rolling in, folks. I actually love compliments.

Not sure what else to say right now other than thank you to everyone who’s been supporting A Convenient Parallel Dimension. I’ve never worked this hard on anything and I can’t wait for all the ghost heads to read it.

Witchy Woman

For JG2LAND PREMIUM Subscribers Only

$2 a month gets you access to this review of Kim Cattrall and Art Hindle in The Good Witch of Laurel Canyon plus all my other exclusive content!

The Dream of The Mad Mullet

This review was originally published via The Classical Mess, a Substack I was doing a few years ago before I found out they gave money to bigots.

When Jeff Goldblum was making Vibes in 1987 he told a reporter visiting the set that the film was merely “a light entertainment” and that he preferred “more serious, adult movies.” Goldblum went whole hog into those waters with Twisted Obsession (1989), a retelling of the 1976 Christopher Frank book The Dream of The Mad MonkeyTwisted Obsession is virtually unknown in the U.S. and if you see it you’ll understand why.

Goldblum plays an ex-pat screenwriter in Paris named Dan who suspects something carnal is occurring between a director he knows and the director’s teenage sister. Dan himself starts lusting after the sister; they engage in a few positively graceless sexual encounters and suddenly Dan’s embroiled in a love rhombus (this guy also has an on again, off again thing going with his lit agent). For good measure, Twisted Obsession includes a subplot about vanishing cadavers and clandestine, cult-like activities.

We’re supposed to feel a modicum of sympathy for Dan because his wife abandoned him and their small child and he can’t afford nicer clothes and he’s got an egregious, take-no-prisoners mullet. There’s zero warmth in Goldblum’s performance, however, so Dan is just a creep. Moments meant to feel playful come across as bitter and mean. When Dan spikes a corn cob into his son’s face as a joke (ha, that old chestnut) you only chuckle out of shock and discomfort because the anger is so palpable.

Twisted Obsession chokes to death on its own morose and surly vapors and it’s clear no one has any idea what to do with it now. One assumes Goldlbum’s current enthusiasm for the film must be nil. It does nothing to support his 21st Century persona as benign goofball; if anything, Twisted Obsession uncomfortably mirrors recent accusations that Goldblum’s offscreen behavior is not really benign. I only saw the movie because it’s part of The Excellent Eighties, a DVD set that positions itself as an ultimate source for kitschy, fun-loving crap from the ‘80s (David Hasselhoff is prominently displayed on the cover). Jeff’s mullet must have cleared the bar.

“Look at this dad’s wacky hair as he sexes a 17-year-old! Does he have a keytar too?”

If you enjoyed this piece, please consider subscribing to the premium version of JG2LAND. Exclusive content (like my exhaustive every episode review of “Shelley Duvall’s Faerie Tale Theatre” or my look back at Gus Van Sant’s Psycho) can be unlocked for just $2 a month.

The Individual Will Be Destroyed

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$2 a month gets you access to this writeup on classic conspiracy thriller The Parallax View and other exclusive content!

Stop The Presses

Steven Spielberg’s 2017 newsroom drama The Post signals early that it will be cliché-ridden hokum. As the production company logos vanish, we see military choppers hovering over a steamy jungle while Creedence Clearwater Revival’s “Green River” takes off in the background. Pairing Creedence with footage from Vietnam was overdone 30 years ago; any first year film student would be docked a letter grade for such a boring, obvious move. Of course, by the time The Post is over the viewer has been so assaulted by the plain and the literal that they might forget there ever was a scene in Vietnam.

I’ve read that Spielberg considered The Post an act of resistance against Trumpism, a counter-attack on “fake news” that for some reason absolutely had to come out when it did. One might argue the story of Daniel Ellsberg, the Pentagon Papers, and The Washington Post’s fight to print the shocking truth about the Vietnam War is more prescient now since Trump decided to cap his anti-media, fib-laden presidency by swiping classified documents. At any rate, The Post was flung together very quickly, without pulp or artistry, condemning it to die in the shadow of All The President’s Men (still the greatest film ever made about the freedom of the press).

Tom Hanks does not transform into Bill Bradlee, the gruff editor pushing to serve honesty to Washington Post readers. Meryl Streep does not transform into Katharine Graham, the beleaguered Post owner trying not to tarnish her legacy. All you see is Hanks and Streep vying for more Oscars with nothing but cold wet ham for dialogue. The Post’s supporting players fare no better. The front page story is on their faces: I’m doing this because it’s Spielberg.

Only Bob Odenkirk rises to the occasion in the lynchpin role of reporter Ben Bagdikian. A much better film could have been made out of the story threads wherein Bagdikian secures the bulk of the Pentagon Papers from Ellsberg. Odenkirk’s comedy partner David Cross is in The Post too, looking like the saddest version of Martin Balsam you can imagine.

The most laughable part of this whole cornball affair is that it concludes with a Marvel-style cliffhanger at the Watergate Hotel. Oh no! A burglary? Cue the typewriters! Even more pathetic are the final frames, which have Spielberg copying one of the most indelible shots from the start of All The President’s Men. Working on Ready Player One at the same time as this film must have given him brain damage.

At least Robert Redford and Dustin Hoffman don’t cruise by in the DeLorean.

If you enjoyed this piece, please consider subscribing to the premium version of JG2LAND. Exclusive content (like my exhaustive every episode review of “Shelley Duvall’s Faerie Tale Theatre” or my look back at Gus Van Sant’s Psycho) can be unlocked for just $2 a month.