Tag Archive | Al Franken

Underground Dino Zines

Perhaps you know I’m working on a book about the long, convoluted, and absolutely crazy history of Chinese Democracy by Guns N’ Roses. In the course of my research, I had to dig up one of my favorite interview snippets of all time — Slash telling Rolling Stone that he’s really into dinosaurs.

“I’m a huge dinosaur buff. I keep in touch through the newspaper and my National Geographic and all that kind of shit. I get all these dinosaur publications, all these freaky Third World dinosaur fanzines and shit. ‘Underground dino zines,’ they call them. They exist!”

I will never forget reading that when it was published in the Fall of 2000. It was so unexpected, so funny and cool. “Underground dino zines” definitely became a non sequitur catchphrase among my friends.

Through the magic of digital library services I unearthed this entire issue of Rolling Stone. It contains an op-ed by Al Franken called “Is Bush Dumb?” as well as a review of Orgy’s Vapor Transmission. “MTV’s favorite Max Factor-ed male quintet manifests some classic L.A. virtues: trashy allure, brain-melting hooks, Anglo inspirations and billboard-size ambition.”

I also glanced at the chart page and was accosted by turn of the century ghosts like Wheatus, 3 Doors Down, and Nelly. Did you know the soundtrack to Nutty Professor II: The Klumps cracked the top 50 album chart? Amazing.

Ideas For The “Knight Rider” Movie I Hear They’re Making

– an electrical storm causes a Freaky Friday thing where Michael Knight’s brain winds up in K.I.T.T. and vice versa; things aren’t that bad until K.I.T.T. discovers human lust and forces Michael to stalk a teenage girl across several states

– a Hollywood agent overhears Michael and K.I.T.T. bickering; convinced the second voice is coming from some unseen figure in the backseat, the agent immediately signs “The Knight Brothers” and books them on several talk shows; “No, it’s really the car!” becomes America’s hottest catchphrase and the Knights ride high until Al Franken teams up with a VW Bug for his blockbuster return to comedy

– Michael Knight and K.I.T.T. spend two hours discussing the plot holes in Prometheus

– Michael Knight spends two hours getting a perm while K.I.T.T. pranks people at a nearby carwash (i.e. throwing his voice to make it appear as if other cars are talking)

– it’s a crossover with Jaws 5; they put K.I.T.T.’s brain into a shark so he can go in the ocean and try to reason with Jaws (who has returned thanks to the magic of the Leprechaun…so this is also technically a Leprechaun crossover)

– how about just ninety minutes of K.I.T.T. turbo boosting to Ozzy songs?

My Christmas Wish For 2012

Dear Santa,

This year all I want is for Al Franken to give up his senate seat (or senatorship, or whatever it’s called) so he can finally make a sequel to Stuart Saves His Family. Don’t even act like that isn’t the best idea ever, Santa. You and I would both pay top dollar to spend ninety minutes in the midst of another madcap Stuart Smalley adventure. Maybe this time he could go to England? I don’t know, I’m just thinking out loud here. Anyway, you seem like the type of person who could make this happen (all-knowing, all-seeing immortal elf), so see what you can do. Thanks a bunch, Santa. Merry Christmas, and hey, stay away from my tagalongs! Of course I’m kidding. Feel free to gorge yourself.

Yours ’til Niagara Falls,

Jim Greene