Unsolicited Southern Fried Notes & Musings On Athens

– this past weekend marked my first excursion to Athens, Georgia, home of R.E.M. and the B-52s and Jeff Daniels for the first six weeks of his life; it’s not the type of town I expected to have multiple Zaxby’s, but in fact they do (Zaxby’s was actually founded in nearby Statesboro, which helps to explain the proliferation)

– Athens is also not the type of town I expected to lack gazebos, and as you can see from the photo above at least one was very easy to find in the four-to-six block radius I traversed

– I visited the homeland of Stipe for a wedding; ’twas a lovely affair on all counts (yes, they played some R.E.M. during the reception per some local statute I’m sure)

– the day after the wedding a couple friends and I attempted to visit the grave of B-52s guitarist Ricky Wilson, but the Oconee Hill Cemetery office was closed and there were no maps tucked away by the door so we didn’t find jack; this is just further evidence all graveyards should be alphabetized or arranged by birth/death year

– the Last Resort serves up a pretty good cup of joe, and I hear the black bean soup is awesome

– in general Athens offers pretty hilly terrain, so keep that in mind when you look at a map and decide, “Oh, the Dunkin’ Donuts isn’t too far away from this hotel, I’ll just walk there for a treat in long pants and what feels like a thin sweatshirt in this eighty degree weather”

– the guy at Weaver D’s really does say “automatic!” all the time

September 10, 2012

Did Osama Bin Laden Have The Bodyguard On VHS Or DVD?

I watched the “60 Minutes” interview with former Seal Team Six member and No Easy Day author Mark Owen last night. The minute-by-minute account of the assault on Osama bin Laden’s secret compound was riveting stuff, but Scott Pelley dropped the ball in one respect—he neglected to ask Owen what if any CDs or DVDs Osama had lying around his house. We’ve all heard the rumors that, despite his deep-seated hatred for our country, bin Laden was totally fucking obsessed with American pop institutions like Whitney Houston, Van Halen, and the B-52s (“To this day I hear the song ‘Rock Lobster’ in my sleep,” claims bin Laden’s former mistress). I realize the heroes in question only had a window of thirty minutes to accomplish their mission, give or take, but c’mon…you’re gonna notice if the man who masterminded 9/11 had a copy of Cosmic Thing on his nightstand, or the ratio of Roth era Van Halen to Hagar in his CD tower. Forget what it felt like to kill the most wanted man in the world; did you see a copy of The Bodyguard anywhere? If so, was it DVD or VHS or Blu-Ray or what?

I also wonder how much truth is behind the rumor ObL contemplated taking a hit out on Bobby Brown years ago so he could claim Whitney Houston as his own. Would anyone have believed that? If Bobby Brown had suddenly turned up dead in the late nineties, would anyone have accepted al-Qaeda murder plot over cocaine-related heart implosion? Does Brown himself believe Osama bin Laden wanted him dead? Factual or not, that’s got to mess with a person’s head. World Trade Center, the Pentagon, the guy from New Edition who wrote “My Prerogative.” And Bobby was ridin’ the white horse way before Terrorist Numero Uno allegedly wanted his head on a pike. Can you imagine what kind of chemicals he’s ingested since that story leaked? Poor fella. I kinda want to send him a cookie bouquet.