Tag Archive | Barack Obama

White House Advisers Defend Obama Criticism Of Corey Feldman

President Obama watching Lost Boys: The Tribe earlier this month.

WASHINGTON — The White House on Sunday defended President Barack Obama’s scathing response to the death of actor Corey Haim last week from what is believed to be a prescription drug overdose.

Senior adviser David Axelrod and press secretary Robert Gibbs refused to retreat from Obama’s Wednesday remark that “the wrong Corey died,” made just a few feet from a gaggle of fans in serious mourning. The two White House officials defended Obama’s suggestion that America on the whole preferred Haim to his onscreen partner of eight films, Corey Feldman.

“Regardless of his acting talents, I think we can all agree Corey Feldman is an insufferable prick,” Axelrod said. “I mean, did you see him on ‘The Surreal Life’ that one season, refusing to go fishing with all the other has-beens? He was acting like Gandhi, for Christ’s sake. Get over yourself already.”

Supreme Court Justice John Roberts said this week that Obama’s unusually harsh criticism of Corey Feldman was “very troubling” and questioned whether the president was familiar with the actor’s work in The ‘Burbs.

“I’m not sure the President ever saw that particular film,” said Roberts. “Feldman turned in a top notch performance, one that almost makes you forget about that terrible song he wrote for his wife a few years ago.”

Roberts, a well-known Corey Feldman fan who keeps several autographed photos of the Goonies star in his chambers, said anyone is free to criticize the actor and that some have an obligation to do so because of their positions.

“I think even Feldman himself could accept criticism from a former teen star higher up on the ladder, like a Scott Baio or a David Cassidy,” he said. “President Obama, however, at least to the best of my knowledge, has never even done any community theater, let alone landed two Spielberg movies before the age of twenty while simultaneously befriending Michael Jackson.”

Obama was overheard discussing Corey Haim’s death with a member of the Secret Service on Wednesday while taking the family dog Bo for a walk around the South Lawn.

“Man, I’m telling you, I just watched that Lost Boys sequel, and the wrong Corey died,” Obama said.

GIbbs defended Obama’s remarks.

“What’s important is that, in the coming months, we remember all the great work and honest performances Corey Haim blessed us with, and although he may have abused prescription drugs, he never really acted like he was too cool for school like that other squinty-eyed, pasty nightmare named Corey,” he said.

Crazy-Ass Dream: Obama At Applebee’s

I was at Applebee’s having dinner with Pamela Anderson and Barack Obama. As usual, the service was terrible. While waiting for our server, Barack Obama suddenly grew a patch of moderately sized dreadlocks and his shirt/tie combo transformed into a Florida Panthers football jersey. Then blood started gushing from the top of his head. I guess sudden dread growth can be dangerous.

Pamela started freaking out and telling Barack he needed medical attention. The Senator refused, instead stumbling over to a family of five and sitting down to eat with them. The funny part was this family had an infant with them in a high chair next to their table, and Obama just picked the high chair up and moved the kid over like it was old furniture. He didn’t even look at the baby. The child, of course, starting crying, but nobody really gave a shit. I mean, Obama, bleeding and with dreadlocks. In Applebee’s.

After Obama left our table, Ted Allen from “Queer Eye For The Straight Guy” showed up with a bunch of “Sesame Street” t-shirts he was trying to sell. I was slightly interested, but Ted was acting like he was filming an infomercial or something, just talking real phony-like, and that turned me off.