Concerning my quest for New Coke: the Yap Visitor’s Bureau has yet to respond to my e-mail, and every time I try to call the Government of American Samoa, an extremely scratchy recording tells me all circuits are busy. I feel like I’m dealing with an old girlfriend who doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. Micronesia, I thought we had something!

There is a ray of hope, though. A friend of a friend is soon traveling to the Republic of Palau, an island nation whose closest and largest neighbor is Yap. This person has agreed to take up a New Coke investigation on my behalf. Her name is Betsy and I must give her the maddest of props. Her reports will be posted as they come in.

The other day I decided to e-mail Coca-Cola and ask them point blank about the rumored bounty of New Coke in the Pacific Rim. So far, I’ve been redirected to two or three different people, none of whom have even attempted to answer my question. I can’t imagine they’re too embarrassed to talk about New Coke; there’s an extensive essay about the stuff on their website, one that refers to the maligned beverage as an “intelligent risk” that “re-energized the brand.”

Intelligent risk? Re-energized the brand? Sounds to me like they’re almost proud of New Coke. So they should be downright happy if Micronesians and Samoans are guzzling enough of the swill down to generate any kind of profit, right? Well, we’ll see what they have to say.

By the way, thanks to everyone who’s supporting this silly quest of mine. You will be graciously thanked in the book.