Last night I had a dream in which I learned I was the fifth best Curly Howard impersonator in the country. So renowned was my Curly, apparently, that I was asked by the producers of the forthcoming Three Stooges movie to come audition for the role of everyone’s favorite bald wise-ass. I agreed, and I soon learned the auditions were being held at my old high school.

For some reason, I brought a giant backpack, the kind you might take on a camping trip or an expedition to the top of Mount Everest. I arrived at my old high school to find it had become not unlike the alternate 1985 Marty accidentally creates in Back to the Future 2. It was super scuzzy with lots of sketchy characters hanging around. The audition room was number 985 or 986. I had no idea where that was.

After a few minutes of aimless wandering, I came upon an information desk helmed by three teenagers who were absolutely no help at all. They became irate when I walked away, but not irate enough to chase me down or throw anything. I found an escalator nearby and it took me up to the 900 block of rooms. Talk about luck. I located the Curly audition room, which I could see had a great number of bald men inside hoping for their shot at fame.

Joe Pesci greeted me at the door as if he knew me. I asked him if Moe would be female in this new movie. He confirmed that fact. I went inside and immediately woke up.