– The Kid Who Became An Underwear Model
– The Kid Whose Baby Brother Thought Ed McMahon Was Santa Claus (friend request denied TWICE!)
– The Kid Who Was One Of Those Really, Really Good-Looking Kids With A Hundred-Watt Smile So You Couldn’t Totally Hate Them Even When They Mercilessly Teased You
– The Kid Who Was So Sheltered They’d Never Heard Of The Beach Boys & Literally Thought I Made Up The Song “Help Me, Rhonda” When I Sang It In Class One Day
– The Kid Who Drew This Really Awesome Picture of Raphael From The Ninja Turtles & Subsequently Made Me Feel Like I Had Absolutely No Talent At Anything
– The Kid Who Owned Every Big Johnson T-Shirt Ever Produced & Wore Nothing Else Between 1993 & 1997
– The Kid Who Promised To Get Me An Awesome Job At The Ten Year High School Reunion & Then Never Fucking E-mailed Me Back, Forcing Me Into Complete Destitution (Not Really)
– One Of The Kids I Secretly Went To Therapy With Who Knows Too Much About My Personal Life Not To Be My Facebook Friend
STEP 1: Hit “PLAY” on the following YouTube video. Wait a second to get past the requisite bullshit homemade introduction.
STEP 2: Stare at the photos below.
STEP 3: Read the following hilarious tidbit about Ed McMahon from my life.
In middle school, I knew this kid named Pete R. Pete’s younger brother, whose name I cannot remember (Ralph? Tim?), was an especially confused little boy. Case in point—the kid actually thought Ed McMahon and Santa Claus were one in the same. Like, he was under the impression Santa took off his beard and hung out with Johnny Carson all year after Christmas.
One day I called Pete up for some reason, and in the background I could hear the other Rappoccio brother freaking out.
“What the hell is his problem?” I asked.
“Oh,” Pete casually replied. “We got one of those Publisher’s Clearing House things in the mail, and dumb-ass thinks Santa Claus sent him a personal letter.”
That made me LOL pretty hard.
Rest in peace, Ed McMahon. To at least one American child, you were a beacon of love and hope (and presents).
In case anyone gives a rat’s ass, both R. brothers currently work in the golf industry.
P.S. – Yes, Ed McMahon is dead. Miss him. Miss him.