Tag Archive | Frank Gorshin

Unsolicited Laddy Bubby On “Legends Of The Superheroes”

– the reputation of this two episode “event” from 1979 precedes it: it’s the Justice League of America as another cheap and witless variety show, the first entry bouncing flimsy adventure between two or three sets and a thicket of curdled jokes while the second is a roast of the superheroes hosted by Ed McMahon; serious comic heads treat “Legends” like the bubonic plague but it doesn’t reach the scalding hell of “The Star Wars Holiday Special” or “The Chevy Chase Show” (then again, maybe this reviewer has spent too much time entrenched in dreadful horse vomit and is now numb to true pain)

– with the rights to Superman and Wonder Woman tied up in much better properties, this Justice League is lead by Batman; Adam West returns to the cowl and proves time cannot weather his intoxicating dopiness; at his side is Burt Ward’s Robin, who also has no problem getting back on the horse (and his comedic chops feel like they’ve improved since 1968); another “Batman” reprise comes via Frank Gorshin as that maniac the Riddler; though Gorshin isn’t in command of the baddies he’s certainly in command of all the acting talent; that said, Jeff Altman is devilishly charming as Weather Wizard and you can see why they later paired him with Pink Lady

– for Green Lantern, Captain Marvel, the Flash, and Hawkman, NBC called in rent-a-hunks, deliciously sculpted figures with high watt smiles and heroic-seeming dispositions; alas, none of these guys were in danger of sweeping the Emmys, though perhaps Bill Nuckols should have received an honorary award for not dying of embarrassment while wearing the helmet “Legends of The Superheroes” shit out for Hawkman (the mask might be nothing more than construction paper); by the way, these shows aren’t the only peacock droppings Nuckols has on his résumé: he’s also Wally on “Supertrain”

– there are women in “Legends of The Superheroes” but not very many and they aren’t given much to do; in fact, famed rogue the Huntress doesn’t even speak in the first episode; hard to believe a series that introduces an African American character named Ghetto Man would marginalize women like that

– yes, the enormously problematic Ghetto Man debuts in the latter episode to clown his fellow do-gooders and shout his magic catch phrase, “Kareem!”; on a more positive note, future “Night Court” star Marsha Warfield pop up in the first entry and is deftly funny as a flabbergasted woman lingering in a phone booth as our heroes grapple with Solomon Grundy; Warfield goes uncredited but let’s choose to believe the comedienne was savvy enough to have her name removed from this not A+ production

– Batman calls Robin “laddy bubby” at one point, which might be the clearest indicator there’s more going on in the Batcave than previously figured

– a big surprise in “Legends” is that the wizard Mordru, undisputed master of black magic and various other nefarious sorceries, prefers to travel by jet ski

– Adam West, god rest his beautiful soul, refuses to tuck his cowl into the Bat costume for the duration of these programs and it is slightly infuriating how lazy and drunk it makes the Caped Crusader appear

– Hawkman’s mother shows up in episode two and get this…she’s not a hawk, falcon, or bird of any kind

– Ruth Buzzi is also present as Aunt Minerva, a nemesis of Captain Marvel who inexplicably wants to marry him; guess she didn’t get the memo that he’s secretly a ten year old boy

– judging by the reactions of the heroes during the roast episode they didn’t screen the jokes ahead of time; what looks like genuine amusement breaks out across all their faces after each playful barb (Captain Marvel Garrett Craig in particular is having a real hootenanny of a good time)

– in addition to jet skiing, the wizard Mordru (here portrayed by Dead End Kid Gabriel Dell) treats us to a ghoulish rendition of “That’s Entertainment” which concludes with the Dark Nobleman taking a cream pie to the face; no better proof exists that wasting food is hilarious

– Warner Bros released “Legends of The Superheroes” on DVD in 2010 but because this thing was shot on video it still looks like a greasy shit sandwich; didn’t they realize ding dongs in the future would feast on this as meaty irony and crave it in the highest of definitions?

– airing in January of ’79, “Legends of The Superheroes” pre-empted the Jack Webb series “Project U.F.O.” which suggests the government created these terrible comic book tv shows to keep a lid on extra terrestrial activities; assume Jimmy Carter will confirm or deny this before he dies

Pow! Bam! Zok! An Unsolicited And Sadly Thorough Review Of “Batman ’66” Season Three

Did you miss the recaps of season one and two? Click here and here.

The final season of “Batman” is notoriously bonkers. Sagging ratings inspired the arrival of Batgirl, a third costumed crime-fighter who cooperates with the Dynamic Duo but remains her own independent entity. Sadly for Batgirl and her alter ego Barbara Gordon (played by the unflappable Yvonne Craig), the average adventure length is sliced in half from the previous seasons, leaving thirty minutes to pivot between Batman, Bruce Wayne, Batgirl, Barbara, the villain, and those beleaguered dopes at police headquarters. Suddenly a lot of vital stuff is happening offscreen.

And yet, as the blocking grows jerkier and each caper more outlandish, this concluding batch does a good job stressing the severe difficulties Batman, Robin, and Batgirl have in trying to protect their secret identities. Turns out it’s not so easy explaining away every little inconsistency, especially if you’re a millionaire playboy, the ward of said playboy, or the police chief’s kid.

Other pre-episodic breakdown observations:

I. There are two interesting musical developments in the third season, the first being a distinct and furious surf rock sting that is employed whenever Batman and Robin start tusslin’ with hoods. Very Dick Dale, it gets the blood pumping. Meanwhile, Batgirl has her own theme, a brassy sway with some vocal accompaniment (“Batgirrrrrrl!” the female chorus lilts, “who’s baby are you?”). Neither piece is commercially available on any of the soundtrack releases I know of from this bat era.

II. Cesar Romero’s Joker hair seems to go a brighter shade of green with each passing episode. Obviously they were having some budgetary and/or quality control problems by this point but I like to believe that perhaps the Joker—who looks the way he does because he fell into a vat of chemicals—has to deal with flare ups and weird allergies just like the rest of us. Imagine how toxic waste might exacerbate a rash or a thyroid problem. Then again, this idiot is pretty slap happy most of the time. Maybe prolonged exposure to toxic waste can result in a never ending orgasm.

III. If you think that lizard person in the program’s animated introduction is Killer Croc, you are wrong. Killer Croc was not introduced into the Batman universe until 1983. This strange figure is just a generic lizard person, a nondescript reptile freak who may / may not be associated with the Gorn.

IV. The Batman series will always hold a place in my heart but the biggest bang this franchise can give for your buck, peso, or ruble is the theatrical film the crew produced between the first two seasons. Simply known as Batman (sometimes stylized as Batman: The Movie), it’s 104 minutes of breathless bat movement, four times as madcap thanks to four arch criminals (Joker, Riddler, Catwoman, Penguin, teamed up to conquer the world), capturing everything that’s boffo about this property. Also, as much as I cherish the beloved tv intro, the opening credits of Batman: The Movie are a pop noir jewel, Nelson Riddle’s orchestration included.

Alright, atomic batteries to power. Turbines to speed. Ready to move out.

1. “Enter Batgirl, Exit Penguin”

The lightning strike of season three. Feels like we’re peering into pulpy pages as that dastardly Penguin tries to weasel his way into Gotham’s police force by attempting to kidnap and wed Commissioner Gordon’s daughter Barbara. What better time for Babs to make her debut as the Batgirl? This is the first time in the history of the series that the ending rhubarb looks real. The Caped Crusaders are really clobberin’ the baddies (and vice versa).

2. “Ring Around The Riddler”

The Riddler may be an intellectual but he’s not above climbing into a boxing ring to whoop up on Batman, which he does in this episode. Of course, there is some subterfuge—Riddler is posing as a boxer from the Middle East called Mushi Nebuchadnezzar. Thankfully, Gorshin forgoes brown face. The final bout lacks the drama of Rocky but there is something breathtaking about seeing Adam West in the Batsuit and enormous boxing gloves.

3. “The Wail Of The Siren”

Joan Collins arrives as ear-piercing foe the Siren. Her sonic hypnotism sounds so much like a modern fire alarm it is disconcerting. It’s music to the men she seduces and/or subdues; Commissioner Gordon is so transfixed he agrees to stow away in the trunk of the Batmobile for treasonous purposes. The panic grips Batman enough that he turns down a soda at one point because he might “find it too relaxing.” Dark Knight ain’t about that lean.

4. “The Sport Of Penguins” / 5. “A Horse Of Another Color”

The Penguin causes chaos at a horse race, but half the time this entry is just guest moll Ethel Merman stiffly pissing out exposition. For a brief moment we get to see Burt Ward dressed as a jockey and it’s everything you could ever hope or desire. Equally satisfying is Herbert Anderson as a flustered race track official who lays into Bruce Wayne about the chicanery he believes the millionaire himself is pulling.

6. “The Unkindest Tut Of All”

A landmark episode; King Tut stumbles upon the secret that Bruce Wayne is Batman. Of course, he can’t prove it after our Caped Crusader and Bruce are seen standing near each other (a weird bit of engineering involving a dummy in a Bat costume Bruce has at his ready). In a subplot, Barbara and Bruce attend an accordion recital where they hear “Lady Of Spain” eight times in a row. It’s unclear if this is irony or if people actually did this for kicks during the Johnson Administration.

7. “Louie, The Lilac”

“Batman” addresses the hippie phenomenon the only way it knows how: clumsily. Dandy gangster Louie The Lilac (a so-so Milton Berle) infiltrates Gotham’s radical youths through some noxious plant-based chemical. The police are wary of putting the Dynamic Duo on the job until Robin reassures them: “The flower children think we’re cool, man—like, we turn them on, you know?” If you think that’s ridiculous, hang in there for the climax where man-eating lilacs attempt to slowly devour our heroes.

8. “The Ogg And I” / 9. “How To Hatch A Dinosaur”

The money’s evaporated to the extent the series can’t even afford to hire a band of roving Cossacks; all we get are agog passersby on street corners as these alleged marauders ransack Gotham (with a brief glance at Egghead as he struggles to ride a mule). Returning guest star Anne Baxter is a delight as Cossack Queen Olga, a ginger firebrand investing in Egghead’s scheme to birth a dinosaur. For a minute, it appears this program might introduce some Jurassic Park style science. Don’t worry—DNA has yet to be discovered in 1960s Gotham, so we are spared anything plausible or thought-provoking.

10. “Surf’s Up! Joker’s Under!”

The dizzying apex of this season’s lunacy. The Joker has a device that can transfer skills from one person to another; naturally he uses it on some local hodad so that he may become the clown prince of the surf circuit. Batman steps in, yellow trunks at the ready, to challenge the harlequin’s nefarious hang ten. Doing leg work for the Joker is a striking beach bunny spy named Undine (played by future “Gong Show” fixture Sivi Aberg). Undine strides in like a lethal Bond temptresses but immediately undercuts her power by talking into a radio shaped like a hot dog.

11. “The Londinium Larcenies” / 12. “The Foggiest Notion” / 13. “The Bloody Tower”

Rudy Vallée’s Lord Marmaduke Ffogg is an inventive and charming villain, a British nobleman who absconds with treasured loot amidst billowing clouds of smoke from his pipe. There was no need, however, to stretch Ffogg and his accomplice Lady Peasoup (Glynis Johns) across a three parter, nor was their reason to move the action to a London facsimile when the show clearly never left Los Angeles. Tedious, asinine, kinda boring. Lyn Peters shines, though, as a Ffogg protégé who radiates flavorful intensity—especially when she’s quietly rhapsodizing about Robin’s sex appeal.

14. “Catwoman’s Dressed To Kill”

Eartha Kitt’s wonderfully feral take on Catwoman arrives in a pretty bumpy exercise around the fashion industry. Still, you’ll probably thrill to Eartha menacing a bound Batgirl and you’ll probably guffaw when Burt Ward is forced to sell the line “Holy priceless collection of Etruscan snoods!”

15. “The Ogg Couple”

In which Batgirl almost freezes to death in a giant vat of caviar. Egghead is of course the culprit, trying to set up a comfy life for himself and Olga, Queen of the Cossacks. They’re not really a good match; when it comes down to brass tacks, Egghead is a simpering idiot, while Olga seems to live for conflict. It sexually excites her. My kind of woman.

16. “The Funny Feline Felonies” / 17. “The Joke’s On Catwoman”

The Joker. Catwoman. A hidden trove of explosives. Joe E. Ross. Pierre Salinger. All the elements for a whip cracker and yet it remains a painful slog. The sets have become so minimalist it’s almost insulting. I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention Little Louie Groovy, the Phil Spector parody who gets caught in the villains’ crosshairs. Spector used to be a happenin’ guy in our culture. Then he became a crazed hermit who shot a woman point blank in the face.

18. “Louie’s Lethal Lilac Time”

Our favorite flower-obsessed gangster kidnaps Bruce and Dick, opening up the playing field for some major Batgirl heroics. How aggravating it is that the writers eat up her time with a pointless scene wherein Babs has to deceive a handyman into believing her secret Batgirl room is just a regular-ass secret room. By the way, the reason Louie swipes Bruce is because he needs the millionaire to extract some kind of scent from a muskrat. We never see the muskrat and I don’t think we hear it, either. It is just referred to as some mythical offscreen creature.

19. “Nora Clavicle and the Ladies’ Crime Club”

Women’s rights activist Nora Clavicle tries to replace Gotham’s beat cops with her own squad of lady officers, but things don’t go according to plan. Hard to tell what’s worse here—the assertion that women could never hold positions of authority because they’re easily frightened and preoccupied with clothing or the grand finale where Batman and Robin thwart Nora (Barbara Rush) by skipping through the streets of Gotham City while tooting on flutes. Either way, this is “Batman’s” nadir. They didn’t even film the finale outdoors, and it’s supposed to take place near a large body of water.

20. “Penguin’s Clean Sweep”

That foulest of crooked fowls infects batches of Gotham currency with a foreign sleeping sickness but we’re the ones who feel drowsy. The Penguin’s moll in this one is played by Monique van Vooren, an actress who is in the Troy McClure league of incredibly-titled films. You may remember Monique from such classics as Tarzan & The She-Devil, Ten Thousand Bedrooms, Flesh For Frankenstein, and Tomorrow Is Too Late. She also attended NYU to study law on a Fulbright Scholarship. Holy accomplishment!

21. “The Great Escape” / 22. “The Great Train Robbery”

Shame returns, and amongst his posse is another cringe-inducing Native American stereotype named Chief Standing Pat. Balancing that out is Barry Dennen as the crony Fred, a erudite European gunslinger whose withering bon mots are all but lost on the titular baddie. An unexpected Jerry Mathers cameo ends with the kid getting bonked on the head, which is satisfying for all who feels his portrayal of Beaver Cleaver is less than endearing.

23. “I’ll Be A Mummy’s Uncle”

“It’s always darkest before the dawn,” Batman utters at one point, evoking the higher quality Bat outings that came decades later. This King Tut ep at least has a serious premise in Tut tunneling under Wayne Manor looking for some mineral and inadvertently drilling into the Batcave. Tut comes close to spilling the beans, but rather than give this show a new dynamic, rather than take a chance, they drop a boulder on the guy’s head and he’s back to his harmless professor alter ego, remembering nothing.

24. “The Joker’s Flying Saucer”

Giving the Joker a UFO to zoom around in is a neat idea but so much action is described instead of acted out that you lose investment and begin praying for the inevitable donnybrook you know will close these proceedings. Cesar Romero is game til the end, though, bragging as he’s about to rocket Batgirl into space that he’s “thrilled many a woman…but never sent one completely in orbit before.” Have fun imagining the Joker performing sex acts!

25. “The Entrancing Dr. Cassandra”

Id Lupino of High Sierra fame begins a crime spree with her awkward hipster husband, an easy feat thanks to their magical ability to become invisible. This one’s ambitious in that Cassandra sneaks into Gotham’s max security prison to release Catwoman, the Riddler, and the other MVPs of Batman’s rogue’s gallery. Alas, it fails miserably when Kitt, Gorhsin et al do not reprise their roles. Instead we get scabs who are only seen from behind, uttering no honest dialogue. What a slap in the face.

26. “Minerva, Mayhem and Millionaires”

At long last we get to see Adam West completely shirtless when he visits the spa of the enchanting Minerva (Zsa Zsa Gabor). Little does he know Minerva uses some kind of mind control device to extract the secrets of the rich and richer. Somehow this does not result in Minerva learning Bruce’s clandestine hobby. Instead, there’s rigamarole over one of his bank vaults. In the end Minerva goes quietly, but only after she’s grappled with Batgirl a la Greco-Roman. Your heart will jump in some direction.

There you have it, bat fans. What a ride. The show runners had the sets destroyed once it was clear ABC would not be picking “Batman” up for a fourth season. A shame only because NBC later expressed interest in hosting another round of bat-sanity. Oh, what might have been.

Guess there’s nothing left to do but visit the grave of every “Batman” actor who has now passed. Finally, as excuse to traverse Bavaria (the final resting place of Clock King Walter Slezak).

Until then, stay golden, my little bat freaks.

Pow! Bam! Zok! An Unsolicited And Sadly Thorough Review Of “Batman ’66” Season One

They said it would never happen, not in a million years, but then late last year it did: the 1960s “Batman” tv series was freed from copyright quagmire and released for the first time ever on multiple home viewing formats. What an immense sigh of relief for crust-laden artifacts such as myself who grew up marveling at the reruns in a barren pre-Michael Keaton Bat world. Had to be 1984 when I first caught Adam West overacting in my living room. I was five. Milk cost $1.94. Orson Welles wasn’t dead yet. Anything seemed possible.

The last time I remember a channel airing “Batman” was fourteen years ago, on TV Land. I’m sure they’ve played somewhere since then, but who has time to watch television as it happens? I need Neil Hamilton and Stafford Repp on demand. For my on demand lifestyle.

Praise be to the corporate gods for packaging euphoric childhood memories and selling them to me at a reasonable price. For once, capitalism works.

Before the episode-by-episode breakdown, a few general comments:

I. The writers / producers of “Batman” really loved gassing their characters—that is to say, spraying plumes of brightly colored smoke into their faces to rob them of consciousness. It happens in practically every single episode. Was it that prevalent in the comics? Seems like it’d be easier (and cheaper) to just conk everybody on the head with a blackjack. “Batman” was aimed mostly at children, I suppose, so maybe they were trying to avoid inciting similar violence in American living rooms. Maybe it cost a lot of money to develop the colored smoke effect so they used it as much as they could. “Batman” definitely had a strict budget (they didn’t even paint the Joker’s exposed wrists to match his face).

II. Adam West and Burt Ward are so natural, so genuine, as Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson you almost wish the series had dialed down the costumed hijinks and focused more on life above the Batcave. That Adam West I can see as James Bond, that Burt Ward I can see in The Graduate (which Ward reportedly turned down in favor of “Batman”). Perhaps this charm is why so many people close to them who ostensibly don’t know they’re Batman and Robin choose to ignore the insane coincidences. Wow, the guy who answers the Batphone sounds just like Bruce’s butler, that’s some funky shit. Oh, you guys gotta go do something inexplicable that you never mentioned until this moment after Alfred whispered in your ear? Hey, none of my business, man. By the way, Dick, you smell just like Robin.

III. Something I never noticed before in the opening cartoon is after Batman and Robin shake hands and Batman looks toward the camera (as he turns into the program logo) Robin continues to look at him, grinning from ear to ear. Like, Robin has such reverence for the Dark Knight, he can’t stop looking at him. It makes me uncomfortable.

IV. There’s a theory that, despite being filmed and airing in the late ’60s, “Batman” actually takes place in the early ’60s, before JFK’s assassination. There are little clues, like newspaper headlines and asides in the dialogue, none of which I can remember specifically. This theory is plausible if not a tad asinine. Were the producers afraid people would call Batman a draft dodger? This begs the question: if Batman were real, would the government make him go to Vietnam, or would it be his choice? What the hell could Batman even do in a war? He never uses guns. He doesn’t have a shield and/or super strength like Captain America. He’d just be some costumed detective standing on a rice patty.

V. “Batman” is an overwhelmingly white show, but when you do see people of color among the cast they always seem to be in authoritative positions (cops, reporters, store managers, etc). That’s progressive compared to the 1978 Superman movie, where the only person of color is the pimp who jumps up momentarily to compliment Superman on his “bad out-fit.”

VI. If we’re to believe the hand-painted signage outside the Batcave, Gotham City is fourteen miles from Wayne Manor. So Bruce Wayne does not actually live in Gotham. He lives in some tony suburb. Must be a tax thing.

VII. Two half hour episodes make up one complete story on “Batman” and originally ABC aired them over as many consecutive nights (Wed-Thurs). Not sure why they didn’t just make the program a full hour; “Batman” is usually presented in syndication as a 60 minute thing. The business is weird.

Now, let’s tear into the adventure.

1. “Hi Diddle Riddle” / 2. “Smack In The Middle”

Strong opener, could be the best entries of the season. The Riddler hatches an ingenious plan: stage a crime, sue Batman for false arrest, unmask the Caped Crusader in a court of law. He pulls off the first two-thirds and makes Batman look like a Grade A chump. The scene that follows all that is one of the few times the Dynamic Duo actually seem defeated; as Bruce and Dick, they sit crestfallen in Wayne Manor, watching a Gotham newscaster explain their dilemma. Also, although they defeat the Riddler in the end, they don’t capture him, proving that this guy is top tier trouble for Gotham. Of course, you know that just from Frank Gorshin’s performance—he plays the Riddler as an unrepentant sadist. “You’re really scared, aren’t you?” he asks Robin at one point, beaming with satisfaction. Hell, I was.

3. “Fine Feathered Finks” / 4. “The Penguin’s A Jinx”

Penguin has never been any favorite of mine. On paper, “what if Franklin Roosevelt was a dick obsessed with fish?” sounds fun, but something just doesn’t connect for me. You know, I’m not a purple top hat kinda guy. The digital remastering also does nothing for the gloriously phony nose Burgess Meredith sports as Das Peng. At any rate, Burgy growls his way through a frame-up positing Batman as the real criminal, and at least with this baddie you can always count on a few solid groans over his punny civilian aliases (K.G. Bird, P.N. Quinn).

5. “The Joker Is Wild” / 6. “Batman Is Riled”

The Joker is Batman’s number one foe, but instead of giving him a fitting dramatic introduction “Batman ’66” opens on the non-threatening scenario of our Clown Prince playing softball in prison (looks just as weird as it sounds). You’ll never believe this but the Joker escapes and soon terrorizes Gotham with confetti, sneezing powder, and other party store gimmicks. Eventually Laughing Boy invades a televised performance of Pagliacci, during which he hopes to unmask Batman before an audience of however many people were watching televised performances of Pagliacci in 1966. I sorta wish they kept the Joker in the traditional harlequin outfit he wears during these scenes. Way more frightening. Any way he’s dressed, Cesar Romero manages to lend the Joker a strange sexuality, especially when he uses adjectives like “succulent” and draws out Batman’s name as if post-orgasm.

7. “Instant Freeze” / 8. “Rats Like Cheese”

George Sanders would make a great brooding heavy even without the Mr. Freeze character. Still, it’s nice to have that extra layer wherein Batman is responsible for turning this crook into an ice cube-sucking freak of nature. People tend to bag on Adam West’s physique not being all that resplendent in the Bat costume but the scene with multiple Batmen proves West filled the spandex better than most. Toward the end Freeze offers Bats a cordial but he declines, for this Dark Knight is a teetotaler. Do you think anybody could really be Batman without taking a drink? Seems like a stressful life. On the other hand, he’s got a kid to look out for, he can’t be getting sloshed if there’s a chance Robin might be kidnapped or injured or tied to a giant whatever.

9. “Zelda The Great” / 10. “A Death Worse Than Fate”

Renowned magician Zelda goes crooked, teaming up with everyone’s favorite “strange Albanian genius” Eivol Ekdol for a robbery / counterfeiting scheme. This eventually turns into a kidnapping caper when Zelda snatches Dick Grayson’s elderly Aunt Harriet, ties her up, and dangles the old biddy over a vat of boiling oil. Nabbing Dick himself would probably yield greater ransom but Aunt Harriet’s easier to burgle. What’s interesting about these episodes is Zelda is never totally convinced a life of crime is for her—she’s just struggling so much as a magician she has no other recourse. C’mon, Harry Blackstone, help a sister out. Fuckin’ magic cabal.

11. “A Riddle A Day Keeps The Riddler Away” / 12. “When The Rat’s Away The Mice Will Play”

King Boris, a dignitary from an unnamed and ill-defined European country, comes to Gotham and is almost immediately seized by the Riddler. Another fine Gorshin performance but the real entertainment comes when Batman and Robin are tied to enormous spinning wheels and it is hilariously clear in the wide shots that dummies are substituting for the actors. I remember that looking fake as hell even when I was a child. Whomever is responsible for those dummies should be ashamed, if they’re still alive. If they’re dead, I hope they carried that shame to their grave(s). Harsh words but it’s not that hard to make a dummy not look like a sack of loose potatoes.

13. “The Thirteenth Hat” / 14. “Batman Stands Pat”

Perhaps intimidated by David Wayne’s flamboyantly fussy performance as the Mad Hatter, these entries find Adam West dialing up his hamminess to radioactive levels. West shouts and gesticulates like an angry grandpa at the Elks Lodge and subsequently flushes away all vestiges of Bat being a cool, collected character. Naturally Mad Hatter is consumed with owning Batman’s cowl and goes to great lengths in attempting to obtain it. This certifies him for the loony bin in my eyes because this cowl is so weird-looking compared to the cowl of the comics (and later film properties). Granted, it’s the cowl that most resembles the true look of a bat (stout, wide), but you get my drift. By the way, what’s the penalty for cowl theft? Like $50 and time served? I think that would even be laughed out of “Night Court.”

15. “The Joker Goes To School” / 16. “He Meets His Match, The Grisly Ghoul”

A landmark story only because it confirms that Gotham City and New York are two separate and co-existing entities. In the next pair of episodes it is revealed that Gotham is also on the BMT transit line; this prompted me to look up the exact location of Gotham in the comic universe and it turns out the bustling urban hive is situation in north east New Jersey. Anyway, the Joker’s crimes in these eps are pretty inconsequential. Rigging vending machines in some hair-brained attempt to corrupt teenagers. On the plus side, he fires off a pretty funny dead dog joke and manages to get Batman and Robin in electric chairs. This arc also presents a painful scene where Burt Ward has to pretend to be a happenin’ street though. Hey Kookie, lend me your knife so I can stab this kid.

17. “True Or False-Face” / 18. “Holy Rat Race”

False-Face is a text book example of a character who is very comic book but not cartoonish. I attribute this to the fact you can’t see Malachi Throne’s face contorting behind the mostly opaque False-Face mask (by the way, the name Malachi Throne has an amazing ring to it, they should have worked it into the script somehow). The Dutch angles feel a little out of control here but maybe that’s intentional, maybe that’s supposed to underscore how topsy-turvy this adventure is (Batman v. the Unknown). False-Face proves so tough that the Dynamic Duo have to fall back on Alfred to escape the harrowing climax; I like to believe the underground gossip in Gotham points to a third shadowy figure in the Batman equation, one alleged to be of advanced age (hence his seclusion) but who never fails as a nuclear option.

19. “The Purr-fect Crime” / 20. “Better Luck Next Time”

Consider the family dynamic that exists between Julie Newmar’s powerful feline-obsessed antagonist and the Dynamic Duo: Catwoman is the bored mother figure seeking a liberating and lawless independence; Batman, the lovelorn father too aloof to know what to do; Robin, the eager son who just wants Mommy and Daddy to love each other again. Wait ’til you catch the horror on Boy Wonder’s face when it appears Catwoman (who spends her story trying to locate the lost treasure of some made up pirate) dies at the end of the second episode. Poor Dick. Catwoman, fyi, has one of the best accompanying leitmotifs of Nelson Riddle’s scoring—eerie, hypnotic, fun.

21. “The Penguin Goes Straight” / 22. “Not Yet, He Ain’t”

In which the Caped Crusaders appear to be dead for a small chunk of time, saddening Gotham but exciting that ever fiendish Penguin…who, as it turns out, is trying to trick the world into believing he’s become a do-gooder. Tim Burton famously cribbed Penguin’s theft of the Batmobile in this adventure for 1992’s Batman Returns. Who knows why a covert crime-fighting team would insist on tooling around in a convertible. Seems like an open invitation. The Penguin carjack allows for introduction of the Batcycle, which is a far more bad-ass means of conveyance (even with the side car). Ghost Rider would be a complete joke if he was riding out of Hell in a Sedan.

23. “The Ring Of Wax” / 24. “Give ‘Em The Axe”

Usually the requisite bad girl or “moll” amongst a gang of male villains in “Batman” is just that, a wayward youth blinded by power. Here, however, the lady by Riddler’s side (as he tries to uncover some weird Incan treasure) is a cape-wearing figure called the Moth—a budding mastermind in her own right, we may assume. It’s a shame they didn’t give her more to do (or even her own episode later on). A tremendous scene pops up about midway wherein Batman asks a librarian, voice absent of irony, “Have you seen any unusual looking people around here?” The librarian says she has not and somehow avoids comment on the two guys in front of her dressed as winged forest creatures.

25. “The Joker Trumps An Ace” / 26. “Batman Sets The Pace”

A visiting Maharajah! The Batmobile cruising over a golf course! Someone writing Batman a check and misspelling his name! Definitely not the most exciting outing…they meander around a fairly eye-rolling money laundering plot, stretching out the flimsy premise / final reveal, but I’m forever grateful we get to hear Cesar Romero shout, “Egads, I’ve been deflated!” Again, so unnecessarily sexual.

27. “The Curse Of Tut” / 28. “The Pharaoh’s In A Rut”

The blustery charm of Victor Buono as King Tut makes up for lackluster action. The bulk of episode one is Gotham trying to figure out what to do about a giant statue of a cat that suddenly appears in a park and begins making strange pronouncements. Seems like a noise complaint, but the authorities call Batman anyway. Later, for the umpteenth time this season, a woman comments upon Batman’s handsome looks, which is nuts because 80% of his face is covered at all times. King Tut’s backstory is interesting because it’s the only time “Batman” references the social unrest of the ’60s: Tut was a Yale prof cracked on the head during a student riot; he woke up believing he was the famed Egyptian. Never mind the fact King Tut died at around 18 and this guy is 40. Brain injuries are no laughing matter.

29. “The Bookworm Turns” / 30. “While Gotham City Burns”

Are you ready for the darkness? This one opens with Commissioner Gordon getting shot in the back and falling off a bridge. Later, Batman goes into a Manson-esque trance while attempting to figure out his enemy’s next move, spooking Chief O’Hara and every viewer at home. Though Roddy McDowell gives the nefarious Bookworm a frightful edge anytime he saunters onscreen the character’s trump card is real corny: he traps the Caped Crusaders in a giant cook book, choking them with noxious soup fumes. It all pays off in the end when a defeated Bookworm meets Bruce Wayne; after some banter, the Bookworm dismisses Bruce, exclaiming, “This guy’s almost as annoying as Batman!”

31. “Death In Slow Motion” / 32. “The Riddler’s False Notion”

The Riddler sets up a bunch of robberies he also films so he can sell the resulting movie to Gotham’s biggest silent film buff (some people want to meet the Dynamic Duo, this guy just wants to watch them run around at twice their normal speed in black and white). Somehow the Riddler also finds time to spike the lemonade at a temperance party; tensions are stirred and while blitzed on the drank Commissioner Gordon angrily dismisses Chief O’Hara’s assertion that Maury Wills is “50 times better” than Honus Wagner. You think this will be the best part of the episode until Robin, tied up and thrown off the ledge of a high rise, staves death by catching the Batarang in his fucking teeth. Batman of course uses this as a teaching moment re: dental hygiene. Yeah, it’s okay for a minor to fight crime without a bullet proof vest, but heaven forbid you stop flossing.

33. “Fine Finny Fiends” / 34. “Batman Makes The Scenes”

This time Alfred is kidnapped, by the Penguin, a.k.a. Knott A. Fish. The Peng is trying to uncover the location of some secret millionaire’s dinner being held by Bruce Wayne. This is one of those plots that wouldn’t happen in the 21st Century. No millionaire dinner is secret from the expanse of the Internet. The most fascinating part here is the Penguin’s henchman, Shark and Octopus; Shark looks suspiciously like Clint Howard and Octopus is wearing a very obvious bald cap (or he’s actually bald and has some insane skin condition at the base of his neck). “Batman” hench work is good stuff if you could get it. Joe E. Tata did it a handful of times.

And there you have it. “Batman ’66” Season One. Still plenty weird, still plenty fun. Satiating for a fan of über-insanity such as myself but who knows how the uninitiated would feel at this point (to wit: I can’t stand a goddamn second of “Sigmund & The Sea Monsters” any time I’m trapped in front of it). Glancing at the Season Two lineup I see things kick off with Art Carney as the Archer. Somehow I am not fatigued from the previous 34 chapters of lunacy. I’m ready to dive in. Holy crippling addiction.

P.S. Did I forget to mention that in the very first episode Batman goes to a nightclub and go-go dances with Jill St. John? What, like you’re not gonna go-go dance with Jill St. John? I think we can forgive the Bat for actin’ a fool there. And he’s got better moves than Tobey Maguire’s Spider-Man.

Q: Favorite Batman Villain?

A: Gorshin’s Riddler. Cartoony but unquestionably malevolent. Very strong currents of rage, madness. Possibly more intelligent than the rest of the Bat-villains, even Bookworm. A laugh that could shatter glass (too bad for Cesar Romero, whose Joker debuted later and never found a chuckle as iconic).

Thank dog the ’66 Batman series is finally coming to home video this year. There just ain’t enough classic Gorsh on that YouTube.