Tag Archive | Geek Monthly

Ten Real-Life Batman Villains

In honor of Jack Tatum’s recent passing, here’s an article I wrote last year for Geek Monthly in which I discuss Jack’s controversial collision with Darryl Stingley. I’m too lazy to retype it, so here’s a scan of the magazine pages. I should retype it so no one is further exposed to Geek’s appalling laziness—the first fucking letter of the article is a typo. That brazen ‘W’ should have been my first clue working for these folks would suck dog butt. Thank God I got my paychecks before they went tits up.

Anyway, click to embiggen:

Happy Geek Pride Day

That’s what today is, according to the never-wrong Wikipedia. I ask you to celebrate by going out to your local magazine retailer, picking up the latest issue of Geek Monthly—Andy Richter’s on the cover—and reading my scathing remembrance of The Phantom Menace (which was released exactly ten years ago last Tuesday). Nothing like a few fresh jabs at Jake Lloyd to get the blood moving.

In the same periodical, you will also find a piece I wrote about the legendary Centralia, PA mine fire and my exclusive interview with Donavan “Hey, Remember Me? I Had A Report Due On Space” Freberg. Although I am not the person officially credited with conjuring up the latter article, I assure you I am solely responsible for its complete and entire existence.

Since GPD is clearly grounded in Star Wars fandom (the original movie came out thirty-two years ago today), let me assail you with the geekiest images I can find related to everyone’s favorite galaxy far, far away…









This last one is me drinking a “Darth Dew” Slurpee from 7-11. You see that joy in my eyes? It would be vaporized about an hour later when, against my better judgment, I took in Revenge Of The Sith. Ga ga ga GOI.

My only regret about this post is my inability to include what I think is the nerdiest Star Wars image of the 21st Century. It was taken outside of “Star Wars Celebration II” in Denver, I believe, and features three costumed fans: one scrawny but passable Han Solo (crouching with his gun in that famous Han Solo pose), one totally chubbed out Lando Calrissian, and one Hoth Rebel Trooper who looks exactly like Steve from “American Dad.”

The best part of this image, aside from the overpowering nerdosity of its three subjects, is how authentic the costumes are. It really looks like these kids went all out and spent the big bucks on master replicas. Respect for that. Respect for anyone who dresses up when it isn’t Halloween. That takes mad bawlz.

I thought I had a copy of this glorious image saved on my hard drive, but I guess not. Google has returned nothing in various searches. Boo. If anyone out there knows the picture I’m talking about and actually has a copy, please, hit me up before this Geek Pride Day comes to a close.

Important Points I Feel Must Be Made At This Current Juncture

– It’s more humid than Rosie O’Donnell’s nether regions in New York today

– I still think that Tinted Windows song sucks mad bawlz

– Over the past month or so, I’ve really lost enthusiasm for the soda book I’ve been working on; a couple walls were hit concerning structure and depth; for now, I’m putting the manuscript aside and moving on to other projects

– Making a hacky swine flu joke after someone sneezes in public is akin to shitting on the floor at a stranger’s funeral

– I have three articles in the upcoming June issue of Geek Monthly

– The Hipster Grifter’s apology was weaker than Batman Forever

– The return of Darryl to “The Office” last night made me squee with joy, and squeeing is something I usually never do

– Rob Halford is probably my favorite metal vocalist of all-time