A real conversation between myself (M) and a friend, Jocelyn (Jo), that occurred just minutes ago.
Jo: Oops, beer’s empty.
M: WHO’S TO BLAME?
Jo: I blame the economy.
M: I blame Ahmad Rashad. Remember that guy?
Jo: Haha, yeah. Basketball dude.
M: Football, actually.
M: He went to the Pro Bowl four times! HOW COULD YOU NOT KNOW THAT?
Jo: Didn’t he do basketball commentary or something?
M: Yeah, he was a sportscaster, but he’s most famous for being a wide receiver, I think.
M: Your confusion is probably stemming from this incident.
Jo: I just remember him being a sportscaster, but [that’s] weird about the 76ers thing.
M: Yeah. I remember watching a Mike Tyson fight with my cousin back in the day and spotting him and Bill Cosby in the audience. It was mesmerizing watching them watch Tyson.
Jo: I’m sure.
M: I wish I had an audio recording of that event. That storied event in my history. Watching the Tyson fight on TV with my cousin and spotting Ahmad Rashad.
Jo: Was that when “The Cosby Show” was still around?
Jo: All the better.
M: Why else would dipshit and fuckface be hanging out?
Jo: Good question.
M: You know, Ahmad Rashad kinda looks like Gumby, and that freaks me the fuck out.
M: GUMBY, dammit. He looks like he’d hang out with an orange horse.
Jo: Just cuz he has a kind face?
M: Because he has a flat-ass face.
M: And big-ass eyes.
Jo: Oh fuck, I just did a side by side comparison. You’re kinda right, and now it’s freaking me out.
M: Haha. Welcome to my nightmare!
Jo: This is going to be a dumb question, but was Gumby ever sad?
M: When his show got cancelled, probably, and also probably when the guy who created him died.
Jo: But otherwise…not really.
M: Well, the O.J. verdict.
Jo: I was just thinking, a sad gumby would be almost unbearable to look at.
M: Gumby was obviously super pissed at the OJ verdict. The first one.