Tag Archive | I wish I knew a guy who looked like Kerry King

Jim Henson Was A Master Of…?

The following story is true. I remembered it while I was in the shower this morning.

I went to high school with this guy named Jacob who kind of looked like James Hetfield. Some time after Load came out, my friends started this game where they tried to trick Jacob into saying Metallica lyrics. For instance, they’d point to somebody else in the cafeteria and ask, “Hey Jacob, is that your bitch over there? Is that your bitch?” Jacob, of course, was supposed to answer by saying, “No, she ain’t my bitch!”

As fun as it was, this game was almost always a complete failure. Jacob never realized we all thought he looked like James Hetfield, and he was generally confused whenever people around him starting saying weird shit like, “What was Jim Henson a master of?” or “If you saw a roller coaster called ‘The Lightening,’ what would you do?” I think I was there when it dawned on him what this was all about, and I remember that he seemed pretty offended.

Who wouldn’t be? Kind of looking like James Hetfield means you also kind of look like Bert Lahr. Gross.