Tag Archive | Jack Black

Stare Into The Cold Light Of Life; You Will See It Again

Yeah, this is basically what turning thirty-five feels like. Like a 2002 “SNL” skit featuring Jack Black. Interpret that as you may.

Thanks to everyone giving me birthday wishes today. Y’all are too kind.

P.S. Yes, Mom, that is Seth and that is also Amy.

Ideas For Jurassic Park 4

– the little girl from the first movie returns to Jurassic Park to retrieve the embryos Newman from “Seinfeld” dropped when that dinosaur spit on him; obviously she’s a totally jacked Lara Croft-style tomb raider now, but the one thing she didn’t count on was a handful of super intelligent dinosaurs that evolved into having opposable thumbs

– the little boy from the first movie returns to Jurassic Park except he’s Jack Black and it’s an accident that he goes back there (I don’t know, maybe he falls overboard during one of those classic rock cruises); halfway through the movie he captures a weaker velociraptor and teaches it how to play the drums

– something with Samuel L. Jackson where he’s trapped in a raft with a baby triceratops just so he can say, “I’ve had it with this motherfuckin’ raft and this motherfuckin’ triceratops!”

– El NiƱo washes a few dinosaurs over to Florida and they make their way to Disney World; they kill a bunch of people queuing up for Captain EO but since no one’s allowed to die on Disney property the world never finds out about it (until Jeff Goldblum shows up ten years later with like the hugest muttonchops you’ve ever seen)

– obviously some kinda thing with a talking dinosaur where the talking dinosaur runs for president and only loses by a slim margin