On this, the twentieth anniversary of Mellon Collie And The Infinite Sadness, I submit for your approval the following tale.
A friend of a friend, let’s call him Bob, is at CBGBs back in the day (late ’90s?) and believes he spies Smashing Pumpkins guitarist James Iha amongst the gathered. Bob approaches the alleged Iha and inquires.
“No, I just look a lot like him,” Possible Iha answers. “Get it all the time.”
Bob isn’t convinced but what’s he gonna do, put this guy in a half nelson and check his wallet? He breaks off and goes back to where he was previously standing to enjoy the billed attraction.
The event comes to a close and the assembled make for the exit. Wading through the crowd, Bob feels something being forced into his hand. It’s a piece of paper. Specifically, a note. It reads, more or less:
Yes, I am actually James Iha. Sorry I couldn’t admit it but I didn’t want to cause a scene. Things can get pretty hairy when you’re James Iha.
Only in New York, I guess.
– The sound of Illinois and Ohio farting simultaneous Cheap Trick b-sides
– The kind of song they play at Claire’s Accessories to get ten year old girls excited about hoop earings
– A sparkly, Disney-sounding co-op of every slightly sugary alt-rock band circa 1996
– Taylor Hanson casting off the oppressive shackles of his musical brethren and firmly planting his foot on the next rung of the pop rock ladder
– Bun E. Carlos casting off the oppressive shackles of Robin Zander and firmly paying off his third mortgage with the revenue from this juicy slice of teen pop that will undoubtedly appear in the next movie Zac Efron makes
– Nowhere near as good as that song from my last post