WHAT IT IS: A liquid reminder that World Of Warcraft, the expansive online role-playing game that’s probably directly responsible for at least 40% of the morbid obesity cases in this country, still exists.
WHERE IT WAS DISCOVERED: Food Dimensions, Brooklyn, NY. This junk is pretty much everywhere.
WHO MAKES IT: Pepsi, a company firmly dedicated to flooding the market with every variation of Mountain Dew imaginable. Get ready for next year’s X-Treme Throwback “Three’s Company” John Ritter Swinger Dew!
HOW IT TASTES: There are two flavors—wild berry and cherry. Both are impossibly sweet and sort of taste like they just plopped giant lumps of sugar into the formula.
DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTICS: Fuckin’ elves on the label n’ shit. Characters from WoW, obviously. The ogre on the cherry flavor looks enough like Shrek to initiate a lawsuit, I think. I guess there are only so many ways you can draw an ogre.
NOTES: I wish Pepsi had been more creative with the flavors. How many cherry/wild berry sodas have they thrown at us already? 6,000? Jeez. How about a kiwi something-or-other, or maybe some kind of watermelon thing? The box these guys refuse to think outside of must be impossibly small, like Stuart Little’s car. It probably smells terrible, too. Hey Pepsi, get out of your small, smelly box and make an interesting Mtn Dew flavor already! Gimme appletini banana swirl!
I was greeted by a bizarre and humorous sight early this morning at a well-stocked Pennsylvania convenience store:
LOL MELLO YELO U R SO GHEY!!!1
Nice to see the Dew keeping up with youth culture. Who has time to type or read a big-ass complicated word like “mountain” anymore? Certainly not any of the Twilight-obsessed middle schoolers who chug Mtn Dew every day while Twittering about Gears of War and/or Chamillionaire. Is he still popular with the kids? Chamillionaire? I don’t really know because I’m OLDER THAN GOD.
On a related note, someone reminded me the other night that I’ve been talking about / working on my soda book for five years now. Yeesh. As if needed a cold, stark reminder that my work ethic suck-diddly ucks. New new year’s resolution: a chapter a week starting now. No more pussyfootin’ around. 2009 shall be the year of the JG2 Oddball Soda Tome. This is my decree. Excelsior!