Tag Archive | Ninja Turtles

Area Man Acknowledges 2014 Ninja Turtle Reboot

Yes, I know: Michael Bay is producing something under the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle banner that involves neither Judith Hoag or Paige Turco as April O’Neil, and the turtles will also apparently be from outer space? So go the rumors.

This promo image leaked today from the Bay reboot (click to resizeinate). I look at Donatello and “McLovin” echoes through my mind. I look at Raphael and I think about the FSU Seminoles. Michelangelo is weaponless, but the sassy look on his face tells me he’ll have all the best one liners (“Status update: feeling bodacious!”).

I want to see this movie, but I’m not sure why. This image doesn’t leave me feeling violated and yet it does not totally excite me. The whole enterprise strikes me as bizarre (why TMNT? why now?) and in my heart it feels like morbid curiosity is clogging righteous pop culture indignation.

Can they find a way to screw this up as badly as Transformers? If they do, what will that mean?

No sexy young Baxter Stockman spin-off series on the CW, that’s for sure.

Q: Judith Hoag Or Paige Turco?

A: The eternal debate…who is the better April O’Neil? I think it’s a draw. Granted, it’s been years since I’ve seen any single Ninja Turtle movie, but when reflecting upon various elements of that trilogy (foam rubber! time travel! Robbie Rist!) I don’t find myself having very strong feelings about either performance. They’re not the best part but they’re also not the worst. In the end, I believe(d) that both Hoag (Turtles I) and Turco (Turtles II & III) are / were April O’Neil, plucky tv journalist mixed up in a seamy underworld of anthropomorphic reptiles who know kung fu and love pizza. It’s not like Hook, where every second I’m aware of “Mork as Peter Pan.” So in that sense, both women succeed.

Now, if you’re asking me which Ninja Turtle has the best moves during the dance scene in Ninja Turtles II: Secret of The Ooze, I don’t think there’s any question Leonardo is the Paula Abdul of that shit.

He can do that Roger Rabbit, he can do that Jerry Lewis.

Michael Bay Ninja Turtles Haiku

Here’s the real question:
Will we finally get Krang
voiced by R. Dreyfuss?