New Coke/Coke II Update: All Quiet On The Micronesian Front
No word yet from my operative Betsy, who landed in Palau several months ago. I take this to mean one of several things:
1. Betsy is too busy enjoying tropical island life to do some idiot soda fan’s bidding.
2. The rumored wealth of Coke II in that part of the world is just a myth.
3. There’s another Betsy in Palau who has no idea who I am and junks all my e-mails.
Actually, Betsy’s eerie silence could mean ALL of those things. Creepy. Another friendly reminder just went out to my friend of a friend. We’ll see if we hear anything this week.
Coke II/Soda Book Update
I can now officially confirm JG2Land correspondent Betsy has reached the foreign island nation of Palau where, in addition to wakeboarding and practicing law, she will investigate the alleged bounty of Coke II in neighboring Micronesia (if you have no idea what I’m talking about, school yourself). I would like to officially thank Betsy now for offering to look into this on my behalf. I would also like to express my hope that the family of roaches living in her bathroom quickly find a new residence in Palau to infest.
Regarding the tome I’m working on that spawned this global New Coke search, I’m almost done hammering out the proposal. Once that’s done, I’ll get to print out a zillion copies, stuff ’em all in manila envelopes, and send ’em to every literary agent and publisher on the planet to see if anyone gives a flying crap about my silly little soda book. Hopefully that process will be less maddening than it was in 2005 when I was trying to get my Star Wars book published. Hopefully the price of stamps hasn’t risen to some exorbitant amount. Hopefully all the rejection letters will be printed on nice, expensive paper I can sell to out-of-work stockbrokers who long for any reminder of the cushy jobs they once held.
Yes, the following sodas are covered in JG2’s obscure soda field guide:
– Crystal Pepsi
– New Coke
– The Jones Soda Thanksgiving Pack
– Big Red
– all forms of Mountain Dew
– Hubba Bubba Bubble Gum soda
– Dracula Soda
– Aspen Apple
– nearly every other weird fizzy you can think of
Thanks for your interest, folks. Stay tuned for more pop updates as they come in.
New Coke Update
Concerning my quest for New Coke: the Yap Visitor’s Bureau has yet to respond to my e-mail, and every time I try to call the Government of American Samoa, an extremely scratchy recording tells me all circuits are busy. I feel like I’m dealing with an old girlfriend who doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. Micronesia, I thought we had something!
There is a ray of hope, though. A friend of a friend is soon traveling to the Republic of Palau, an island nation whose closest and largest neighbor is Yap. This person has agreed to take up a New Coke investigation on my behalf. Her name is Betsy and I must give her the maddest of props. Her reports will be posted as they come in.
The other day I decided to e-mail Coca-Cola and ask them point blank about the rumored bounty of New Coke in the Pacific Rim. So far, I’ve been redirected to two or three different people, none of whom have even attempted to answer my question. I can’t imagine they’re too embarrassed to talk about New Coke; there’s an extensive essay about the stuff on their website, one that refers to the maligned beverage as an “intelligent risk” that “re-energized the brand.”
Intelligent risk? Re-energized the brand? Sounds to me like they’re almost proud of New Coke. So they should be downright happy if Micronesians and Samoans are guzzling enough of the swill down to generate any kind of profit, right? Well, we’ll see what they have to say.
By the way, thanks to everyone who’s supporting this silly quest of mine. You will be graciously thanked in the book.