I was at Applebee’s having dinner with Pamela Anderson and Barack Obama. As usual, the service was terrible. While waiting for our server, Barack Obama suddenly grew a patch of moderately sized dreadlocks and his shirt/tie combo transformed into a Florida Panthers football jersey. Then blood started gushing from the top of his head. I guess sudden dread growth can be dangerous.

Pamela started freaking out and telling Barack he needed medical attention. The Senator refused, instead stumbling over to a family of five and sitting down to eat with them. The funny part was this family had an infant with them in a high chair next to their table, and Obama just picked the high chair up and moved the kid over like it was old furniture. He didn’t even look at the baby. The child, of course, starting crying, but nobody really gave a shit. I mean, Obama, bleeding and with dreadlocks. In Applebee’s.

After Obama left our table, Ted Allen from “Queer Eye For The Straight Guy” showed up with a bunch of “Sesame Street” t-shirts he was trying to sell. I was slightly interested, but Ted was acting like he was filming an infomercial or something, just talking real phony-like, and that turned me off.