Tag Archive | Ramones

Series Of Rare Photos Offers Further Support To Smiling Danzig Theory

Is this a genuine photo of Glenn Danizg smiling? Click to embiggen.

On his website photographer Pat Blashill presents a lengthy slideshow from a 1985 Big Boys performance; lurking in the background of many of these pictures are the members of Samhain (who ostensibly played the same gig). Eerie Von, Steve Zing, and Pete Marshall all seem to be enjoying the Big Boys, but it is Samhain leader Glenn Danzig who appears most pleased, beaming from ear to ear and pumping his fist in several of the photos.

Danzigologists are embracing these recently unearthed Blashill photos as they further the controversial theory that Danzig can smile, suggesting the singer experiences a palette of emotions similar to most humans. Skeptics counter with the fact no exact date for this alleged concert has been offered and that certain shadows around the mouth are similar to images seen in a dental trade magazine.

Do you believe Glenn Danzig can smile? Is this just another harmful lie put forward by the Bilderberg Group and/or the Heavy Metal Trilateralists?

RELATED: Morrissey curating a Ramones best of despite once denouncing that band as “degenerate no-talents” who “fail miserably.”

Crazy-Ass Dream: Sky Writing Ice Cream Truck Shakedown

To commemorate my graduation from law school my parents hired a sky writer to draw a giant heart above the city with some sort of nice message inside. The sky writers in question used not a plane but a magical red ice cream truck that unfortunately ran out of juice before it was finished. I watched the truck land and the “pilot” get out—it was Bill Koch, that husky kid from Chicago who does all the magic. For some insane reason I followed Bill Koch home to his duplex where I learned he was breeding chickens. I let myself inside, we got to talking, and the next thing I know he’s hitting me up for money. I started writing a check, but he stopped me.

“What, you don’t have cash?”

I stood there for a second, a little offended, trying to gather my thoughts, when this seven foot tall guy I used to work with named Noah showed up to tell me because the Ramones were so punk rock I should give this other guy cash. Then the dream suddenly cut to grainy VHS footage of a fabricated Ramones show where Johnny, instead of playing guitar, tapped on the outer areas of Marky’s drum kit with his own sticks. Johnny was doing a little Native American rain dance or something while he tapped; this made me laugh so hard I woke up.

Six Ramones Songs I Could Live Without

The Ramones were a pretty amazing band (#1 in my book), but they had their share of musical turds. Here now, six of those turds and my thoughts on them:

“High Risk Insurance” – The final track from End Of The Century. This song just sounds like a couple of cool riffs they threw together at the last minute because they needed an even number of songs on the album. Immediately following the mini-epic “All The Way,” which really should have been End Of The Century’s closer, “High Risk Insurance” comes off as a pretty weak afterthought. For me, the only redeeming part is when Joey forcefully sings, “I got no love for the enemy nation!” So patriotic, that Joey.

“Planet Earth 1988” – The clumsy environmental “message” song from Too Tough To Die. The lyrics, melody, and main guitar part are all really grating. I feel like maybe Dee Dee told the rest of the band they could only have “Wart Hog” and “Howling At The Moon” if they agreed to put his dippy rain forest tune on the album. Guess Johnny lost that round of Paper, Rock, Scissors.

“She Belongs To Me” – An overblown pop rock cream puff that sounds exactly like the type of shit the Ramones set out to destroy when they started in ’74. Twelve years later, they were so desperate for a hit they’d do anything. I really have a severe distaste for Animal Boy in its entirety. The production is so bad. Sounds like they recorded it with a piece of string and two tin cans.

“Learn To Listen” – Joey, what are you, my grandmother? Next thing you’re gonna be criticizing my table manners.

“I Won’t Let It Happen” – Just another half-assed Ramones ballad from the later years.

“Scattergun” – Why the hell did C.J. sing so much on Adios Amigos? It was the last Ramones album. Joey should have been all up on every song like a shark on a whale carcass. Anyway, this was C.J.’s throwaway attempt at a “hard edged” Dee Dee-style love song comparing a hot chick (probably Marky’s niece) to a firearm. The melody is pretty obnoxious. It’s like cut-rate Rancid slowed way the hell down. To paraphrase Ralph Wiggum, this song is cold and hurty.

I was going to link up recordings of these songs on YouTube, but they’re just too gross to inflict upon anyone who doesn’t have to hear them. You ‘Mones fans know what I’m talking about. Blaaarg. Well, nobody’s perfect. I’m sure even Abe Lincoln farted sometimes.