“Bodega Wars”: Two proud families vie for customers on an unassuming block in Brooklyn. The bodega on the north side of the street only charges two bucks for a roast beef sandwich, but their store always smells like drywall. The bodega on the south side offers no pungent aromas…but they also don’t have Diet Dr Pepper. Tune in each week to see which location successfully entices Joe Lunchpail inside to buy a pack of smokes.
“Shoeshine Dynasty”: This intrepid group of experienced polishers refuses to let the art of shoeshine die. Tune in each week as Gramps, Mee-Maw, Sticky, Hoops, and the Baby hold court in the St. Louis train depot, waxing philosophical in more ways than one. Also, there’s a dog?
“Lockup: Middle School Detention”: Enter the raw world of adolescent after school discipline programs, where cameras capture the harsh reality of twelve year olds staring into space and being reprimanded for attempting to sleep on their desks.
“Broast Hunters”: Corpulent Rhode Islanders travel the U.S. in search of elusive chicken broasting restaurants, some of which may be only legend and some of which may be all too real.
“Who The @#%! Did I Just See At The Gas Station?”: Dramatic re-enactments of strange convenience store encounters. Pilot includes “Grown Man In Diaper,” “Rick Moranis Lookalike Invades Women’s Room.”
This was one of the more high-profile interviews I conducted for Cornuzine in the sense that Evan Farmer’s biggest role (at the time and to date) was that of Young Number Two in the third Austin Powers movie, which had been out for less than a month when I contacted him. I don’t know if that meant Cornuzine’s stature was growing (ha) or if Evan just wasn’t considered a very important part of the Mike Myers promotion machine. I guess when you play half the characters in your own movie, there’s no need for any of the other actors to do a lot of press.
At any rate, I thought Evan was great in Goldmember, just as I thought he was great in the MTV boy band spoof “2Gether” and as host of TLC’s redecorating bonanza “While You Were Out” from 2003 to 2006. Ev’s got plenty going on these days, including being a dad, building planes, flying planes, launching production enterprises, doing tons of charity stuff, and still being cable TV’s dreamiest handyman hunk. If you don’t believe me, check out his website.
Evan was a super friendly guy when I talked to him, putting up with idiotic questions few celebrities should have to endure. I hereby dub him the coolest reality show host I’ve ever interviewed.
EVAN FARMER MIGHT DIE THIS SUMMER
JAMES GREENE, JR: You play Young Number Two in the latest Austin Powers movie. Is that your voice we’re hearing, or did Robert Wagner overdub your lines? If that’s you, you do a damn good Robert Wagner.
EVAN FARMER: That’s me, and thank you!
JG2: How did you land the new Austin Powers? Did you just try out, or did you have an in?
EF: I actually went over to meet with casting about another character they thought I might be right for (the young Dr. Evil, I think) and as soon as I walked in they were like, “There’s our Rob Lowe!” The next day, they had me meet with Jay Roach and that was it. I studied both Rob Lowe’s and Robert Wagner’s Number Two-isms from the previous two movies the night before, and apparently that sealed it.
JG2: There’s a track on your new solo album, the name of which escapes me, entitled “I Think I Might Die This Summer.” That’s a bit macabre, don’t you think? Do you actually fear for your life this summer?
EF: Yes, and yes! The story behind that song is that last September I was preparing to shoot Return to Sleepaway Camp in Upstate New York (for which I wrote the song) when the whole 9/11 thing happened and the shoot was essentially indefinitely canceled. Since I was putting together an album of mostly stuff I had written over the years, I just threw it in. As far as fearing for my life, I live with the knowledge of death always on my mind. It sounds pretty sick, I know, but knowing we’re only here for a finite period of time reminds me to live bigger in each moment.
JG2: Return To Sleepaway Camp? Would that be the fourth one in the series?
EF: Technically it’s only the second “official” sequel, though three have been attempted since—at least as I understand it. In any event, this is the sequel that has been written and is being done by the original writer / director.
JG2: Word up. According to various wire reports, you were born in Ethiopia. What up with that?
EF: I guess you could say I’m African-American. I was also born in a Fiat garage which most people don’t know. Simple story—I’m a military baby.
JG2: So who’s your favorite member of N’Sync? I like Joey because he’s totally sweet.
EF: Yeah, I have to agree with you on that one, I suppose. He’s pretty damn sweet. I still like Marky Mark though. Wait, is he in N’SYNC?
JG2: No, you’re thinking of Marky Ramone. Evan Farmer, did you lose your shirt on this whole Worldcom fiasco?
EF: Shirt, no…pants, thong, and knee-highs? Well, let’s just say nothing’s silk anymore.
JG2: Describe the strangest celebrity encounter you’ve had.
EF: I think Pink might have grabbed my ass once, but it could have been one of the guys in 2gether. We were taking a picture.
JG2: Damn! Does Evan Farmer have a favorite Mexican entrée? If so, what is it?
EF: I tend to favor the black bean in any of its incarnations.
JG2: Evan, you’ve been on the MTV. Is it true what Dire Straits once sang? You get your money for nothin’ and your chicks for free? If not, please explain.
EF: Money for nothing—I can agree with. Anybody who says chicks are for free is either not interested in chicks or is selling you something. There’s always a price, and I’m not talking money! I love women, and more importantly I respect them enough to know that you have to be willing to sacrifice for them. Enough said.
JG2: Finally, uh, what do you think of Evan Dando?
EF: Lemonheads…right on! I’m a big fan. Haven’t seen them in concert though—yet.
JG2: Who do you think is nuttier, Dando or Axl?
EF: Axl, are you kidding?
– Cornuzine.com, 8/11/02