I was gonna blog about the Minnesota State Fair tonight but then I watched the trailer for the new Robocop and saw Samuel Jackson dressed as Doug Llewelyn and now I’m too depressed to move.
So, if we’re gonna keep talking about this hot Star Wars Blu-Ray mess, we need to come up with a catchier name. I vote for Vadergate. Let me know how you feel about that, Wampa jockeys. Also acceptable: Lucasgate, Jedigate, the Krayt Dragon Rock n’ Roll Swindle.
Phil Tippett (pictured) is a special effects master who’s worked on such incredible pieces of cinema as Jurassic Park, RoboCop, and—ahem—the original Star Wars trilogy. On Wednesday morning, Movies.com spoke with Tippett, a guy who spent countless hours whipping up creatures and spaceships for George Lucas at the dawn of the ’80s, and asked his opinion of the Star Wars creator’s continued CGI brush-stroking over the years.
“They’re shit,” Phil responded, damning all of Lucasfilm’s digital scribbling since 1997 as unnecessary. A not unexpected reaction from the co-genius behind Empire Strikes Back’s still-impressive Imperial Walkers. Tippett, who won an Oscar for his work on Return of the Jedi, also shared a behind-the-scenes story from that film which will surely not garner Georgie Boy any more cool points:
“[Industrial Light & Magic] had a little room where you could get chips and drinks and I was getting something. George and Richard Marquand, [Return of the Jedi’s] director, came in and Richard was saying, ‘George, I don’t totally get where we need to go with this picture.’ And George said, ‘Well, did you see Benji?’ ‘No George, I didn’t see Benji. ‘Well, what we’re doing now is kind of like a cross between Benji and what we did on Empire Strikes Back.'”
Ewok haters: You have a new enemy.
I was having dinner with my friend Joe. He was obviously livid at me for something I had done, and took his aggression out by dumping all the vegetables in my serving dish onto his plate. A stray piece of broccoli fell out of the dish last and bounced off Joe’s massive mound of greens. He quietly but firmly scooped it up and mashed it into the pile.
“Uh, you think I could get some vegetables?” I asked.
The response was dry and curt. Seconds later, Robocop burst through the front door. He opened fire on us before we had time to react. I knocked the table over in an attempt to create some kind of shield. We lived, and later found out Robocop was looking for a 7-11 employee uniform so he could go undercover somewhere to stop a robbery. Like putting a 7-11 smock over a guy who’s made entirely of stainless steel is going to protect his identity.
Even though it wasn’t the REAL Robocop, Richard Nixon was still excited. He knew that this was one of Robocop’s many helpers who went around using his eyes to videotape the Christmas wishes of Republicans all over America.
Look at the expression on Fauxbocop’s face. It’s like someone tricked him into this photo op. “Dammit, Gary, I’m gonna murder you for this. You know I hate Richard Nixon.”
Related topic: I came up with an awesome parody of Robocop last night called Rowboatcop. It’s basically just Robocop in a row boat, chasing after criminals across lakes and fjords. I bet he could row pretty fast, right? The only danger would be the water. If his hard drive got damp, he’d probably freak out, drive to his old house, and punch a TV again.