Tag Archive | Rocket From The Crypt

Fifteen Hall Of Fame Drummers From The Past Score & Five

Joel Robinson demonstrates his BGC-19 kit, not utilized by anyone listed.

The Drumming Hall of Fame: as far as we know, no such place exists, not even within the angular confines of the Rock n’ Roll Hall of Fame. Maybe that’s a good thing. The Rock Hall’s stirred up enough controversy as it is with their general inductees. Look, I have nothing against Red Hot Chili Peppers. They’re fun. However, if you put a gun to my greasy noggin and pose the question “funk crossover?” Faith No More will come up first.

But I digress. If there was a Drum HOF and they were looking to honor the best players from the past twenty-five years, the following fifteen people would get my vote, first ballot. Assuming I could participate in such an election process. I’m not really a part of drum writing’s sacred cabal.

TIM ALEXANDER

Drumming in Primus seems like a thankless task, but Alexander’s handled it with aplomb. He has no problem letting the other instruments breathe without sacrificing his own unique flair. A true craftsman’s touch.

MATT CAMERON

Matt takes the scenic route to the benefit of many a Soundgarden recording. Even their weakest stuff is interesting thanks to his little flourishes. He’s also been in Pearl Jam now for god knows how long; that surely speaks to something considering PJ’s previous drumming turnover rate.

JIMMY CHAMBERLAIN

The Chamb (as no one calls him) strikes such a nice balance between the fanciful and the forceful. He also managed to navigate the Corgan minefield for an impressive stretch. Seems like a mensch outside the drug abuse and the Dutch Schutlz haircut.

DALE CROVER

Slogging away in the Melvins, Dale has developed his own cult, and for good reason. He maps out those throbbing rhythms like a conquering hun.

JOSH FREESE

Pretty versatile in his session work (Guns n’ Roses, Sting, Ween, Perfect Circle, DEVO), equally versatile on his home court with pop punk clowns the Vandals. Loose, limber, electric, Josh has helped keep the Vandals a joy far beyond their sell-by date.

DAVE GROHL

Shades of Bonham, right? Can you think of an album Dave’s tapped on that isn’t classic? Even the first Tenacious D is held in esteem because of Grohl. The only drummer on this list your grandchildren’s grandchildren will know in absolute terms.

JOEY JORDINSON

Like Primus, Slipknot would be unlistenable without the right person steering the rhythmic ship. Joey’s a busy drummer but never lets his rolls get away from him. Extra props for commercializing so many death metal moves.

NICK MENZA

There’s a reason Megadeth fans are constantly up D. Mustaine’s ass to reform the Rust In Peace lineup. Menza brings that clean, precise heavy metal fury. Extra props for his dedication to UFO culture.

ANDERS M├śLLER (A.K.A. GLUEROS BAGFIRE)

A hard call only because I have so much reverence for the Danny Young era of Gluecifer, that glorious span of time when they were the greatest hard rock band America was ignoring. The white hot early stuff with Anders is what got me there, though. A great melding of punk speed and classic rock cues.

CHARLES MONTGOMERY (A.K.A. CHUCK BISCUITS)

Has anyone ever played with so much reckless abandon yet remained so precise and powerful? Has any other drummer for Danzig been able to so precisely match that singer’s strength and swagger? Doesn’t seem like coincidence that Danzig’s career began wobbling once Chuck departed.

HUGH O’NEILL

Hugh’s meter was offensively good, the best in ’90s punk. Don’t Back Down is still the top Queers album thanks to his presence. What a crime cancer took him from us in ’99. Desperately wanted to hear his next moves.

DAN PETERS

His Mudhoney band mates jokingly call him “Tippy Tap” due to some perceived lack of power, but that light n’ limber touch works wonders when the guitars are vomiting up ’60s fuzz. Motherfucker can jam, too.

AHMIR THOMPSON (A.K.A. QUESTLOVE)

Dumbledorish in his musical knowledge, which of course informs his fantastic percussion. Superb control. Obliterating the stereotype that all drummers are one dimensional drooling clowns.

JANET WEISS

Always impressive to hear the inventive turns and accents this Sleater-Kinney stalwart utilizes. Seems to be much Bill Ward in her playing.

ADAM WILLARD

The Rocket From The Crypter who can shift tempo on half a rusty dime. So exuberant, such a party when he’s thumping away.

So who would you vote for?

Q: Rocket From The Crypt Or The Supersuckers?

A: I like both bands a lot but if you’re putting a gun to my head I’m going with RFTC because they’re just a tad more dynamic. That’s what it’s called when a rock group has trumpets, right? Dynamic? I’m sorry, I’ve misplaced my rock n’ roll thesaurus.

Ten Songs The Roots Could Have Played For Michele Bachmann Instead Of “Lyin’ Ass Bitch”

Maura Johnston at the Village Voice wrote a piece about the Roots/Michele Bachmann controversy today, the gist of which was basically, “Hey, why didn’t they play that Megadeth song ‘Liar’ instead of Fishbone’s tune what unnecessarily insults gender?” Maura has a point, and it’s great to see such a super hip music journalist pay service to one of Megadeth’s more obscure numbers. Yet I can’t entirely sanction “Liar” because it’s a smear against founding Megadeth guitarist Chris Poland that goes off the deep end by attacking every member of Poland’s immediate family. And I quote: “Your sister is a junkie, gets it anyway she can / your brother’s a gay singer in a stud leather band.”

Hey, we understand you were totally cheesed off, Dave Mustaine, but who cares if Chris Poland’s brother fronts/fronted a Village People revival act? What does that have to do with Chris hawking your equipment for drugs? Besides, didn’t you blow Megadeth’s advance for Killing Is My Business on crack cocaine? Let he who be without judgment cast the first stone, you son of a carpenter.

But I digress. There are scores of less sexist/gender offensive songs about liars the Roots could have played as Michele Bachmann trotted out to make nice with Jimmy Fallon. Here are ten of those songs.

1. Rollins Band – “Liar”

There’s no arguing Hank’s untruther classic would have been vastly more recognizable to the viewing audience than Fishbone’s “Lyin’ Ass Bitch.” Also, who wouldn’t want to hear ?uestlove’s Henry Rollins impression? Who wouldn’t want to see that normally rather subdued cat rip his shirt off and writhe around on the polished floors of Studio 6B, unleashing all the torment of his inner coffee house poet?

2. Sex Pistols – “Liar”

I don’t think we’ve ever learned who Johnny Rotten is railing against in this one. Couldn’t have been Thatcher—she didn’t take office until over a year after the Sex Pistols broke up. Since I’m a hot dog-eatin’, baseball-lovin’ American, I’ll jump to my most logical conclusion of Richard Nixon.

3. Yngwie Malmsteen – “Liar”

I was just as surprised as you to learn any Yngwie Malmsteen song had lyrics or singing. I thought his career was just one continuous thirty year guitar solo. Turns out no, Yngwie actively employs someone to yelp between his hot licks. Middle-aged Sam Ashe employees would have known this one.

4. Bikini Kill – “Liar”

“You profit from the lie, you profit from the lie” seems like an apropos refrain for any politician.

5. Queen – “Liar”

I think Freddie Mercury was contractually obligated to say “Mama” in every song he ever sung. This one’s a little different from the rest as it’s coming from the perspective of the liar. That Queen, always so introspective despite their flamboyant fashions.

6. The Replacements – “Shut Up”

The ‘Mats could have proven a dicey selection, for Bachmann hails from the same general area as Paul Westerberg’s legendary outfit (Minnesota). Do you think she’s heard enough of their material to recognize it? Ah, if she has, I bet she’s more on the Don’t Tell A Soul tip than anything pre-Slim Dunlap. It’s hard to suggestively eat a corn dog to anything off Sorry, Ma.

7. Three Dog Night – “Liar”

Granted, it’s not much of a jazzy TV show entrance theme, but that chorus really gets the point across, doesn’t it?

8. Rocket From The Crypt – “Return Of The Liar”

Actually, this should be what NBC plays every time Leno makes his “Tonight Show” entrance. OOOHH, DISS.

9. The Queers – “You’re Tripping”

People don’t use “tripping” enough in this particular context. Seems like it kinda burned out after 1991. Everyone said it back then. Yo, White House Chief of Staff John Sununu be trippin’! At any rate, the Queers seem to nail Bachmann and her line of thought rather bluntly here (“Can’t you see? / This ain’t 1943!”). Plus, Joe King would have earned like a twelve cent royalty check he could have used as a down payment on some heroin. Now that’s what I call supporting the arts!

10. The Crucifucks – “You Give Me The Creeps”

And the final word goes to Doc “23” Dart: “If you’re so fucking clever, why is everyone laughing at you?” “You Give Me The Creeps” would have been totes worth it just to see how many publications would censor the name “Crucifucks” the next day. I can almost taste FOXNEWS’s stiff discomfort (it tastes like jerky). Gutter punks would have hailed the Roots as the new Crass and Jimmy Fallon as punk rock television Jesus. Can you imagine a world where Jimmy Fallon is even cooler than he is now? It’s a world where Jon Stewart never even existed (UPDATE: Jimmy Fallon has apologized to Michele Bachmann for his band’s little indiscretion; guess he’s not as revolutionary as we thought).