Tag Archive | Rollie Fingers

Ten Things I’ve Learned After Living In New York For Almost A Year

1. Everybody here has done coke. I mean everybody. Anyone who hasn’t done it wants to do it and is probably about to do it right now.

2. Rollie Fingers mustaches are back in style. They don’t look good on anyone except Rollie Fingers.

3. The City That Never Sleeps goes to sleep around midnight. The only shit open after that are a couple of cafes in the Village and all the dance clubs. If you’re up past three, have fun drinking six dollar expressos and sweating your ass off to La Bouche.

4. There’s no Count Chocula anywhere in this city.

5. The toll plazas will always catch you if you go through the E-Z Pass lane with no E-Z Pass.

6. Staten Island makes most of New Jersey look like Connecticut.

7. Nothing you buy in Chinatown will ever work properly (not even the t-shirts).

8. I kind of like horseradish.

9. All the dogs here are either large enough to be mistaken for small bears or small enough to be mistaken for large rats. There is no such thing as a normal-sized dog in New York City.

10. Middle names are on their way out.

Restricted Words, Phrases, & Names During Meal Time

Speak not the following while I eat (unless you’re in the mood to wear what I’m chewing). Alphabetically:

astronaut ice cream
Biz Markie
buzz bin
carpetbagger
classically trained mime
Costas P. Lemonopolous
cradle cap
dynamic front man
fromundah
frontier lifestyle
funderful
ganef
Goosey Loosey
high on the hog
hog wild
home dentistry
Jersey man-eater
jive turkey
Judgment Night soundtrack
kangaroo court
Kellog’s Corn Flakes
l33t
Mellie Mel
Native American tribal document
Necronomicon
Nilbog
n00b
noodge
nosh
obvious witch
(the) pain train
plotz
professional lumberjack
pwn
Rollie Fingers
self-described cougar
schmeckel
schnook
schvitz
strongman competition
tchotchke
Turkey Lurkey
tweakin’ out at a rave
wanderlust
Wiggy Ramone
winding my death watch
yenta

More as I think of/encounter them.