Never Mind Awakening, Here’s Star Wars Ruined My Life
Nearly a decade ago I wrote a book about Star Wars fan culture that did not get published. This PDF contains the story of that failure, some chunks of the original manuscript, a few new essays about our nutso ewok lifestyle, and original artwork by dear friends.
CLICK HERE FOR THE 48 PAGE PDF E-BOOK Star Wars Ruined My Life
You may have this item for zero dollars if you’d like. If you’d like to give more than zero dollars for this item (and if you have a Paypal account), you may click the shiny knob below. I’m not putting this thing out for the money, though, I’m doing it for the kicks. So thanks for reading, I appreciate that support more than anything else.
Happy Hanukkah. Stay funky, you crazy jawa jockeys.
La Punk Rock De Aliaj Landoj
Punk rock may have started in the U.K. and the U.S. but it certainly didn’t stay there. The genre flew around the globe like a contagion, touching off movements in nearly every market imaginable (Japan, Yugoslavia, South Africa, Chile—you name it). Currently I’m in the beginning stages of a book that will immerse you in these foreign scenes, one that will examine punk’s development in other socio-economic climates and describe the art of hard-charging performers from all over Earth who are just as crucial as your Ramones, your Sex Pistols, your Iggy Pop.
Yes, this volume has a working title. No, I will not tell you what it is. No, it is not the same as the title of this entry (which, fyi, is how you say “the punk rock of other lands” in the beautiful language of Esperanto).
I’m consumed with this project in a way I’ve not experienced since I began work on This Music Leaves Stains in 2010. So it’s good that other long term plans unraveled (aside from Star Wars Ruined My Life, which I’m still gonna drop like ewok dung come December). The devotion to the subject matter wasn’t there. The world didn’t need a book about InnerSpace anyway.
No publisher for this one yet but I’m on the hunt.
Belgium’s X-Pulsion perform “Castration/Schmucks” during an appearance on their region’s public broadcasting showcase “Follies”; watch it here.
Thank you all for even the slightest drips of support. I am forever in debt.
Get E-xcited For My E-book
A decade ago I wrote a book about Star Wars fandom. It didn’t get published. Now, a thrilling e-book will recount that non-publishing, with large portions of the original manuscript, plus brand new essays reflecting on where you and I and Chewbacca are in this frightening day and age. If you’ve ever wondered about the mechanics of the literary world and what it feels like when you get trapped in the gears, this is the e-book for you. Also, if you’re super into lightsaber construction and ewok mating rituals and junk like that.
Arriving Hanukkah 2015.
An Annotated History Of Never Realized Book Projects (2002-10)
This Music Leaves Stains is the first book I’ve had published but it is far from the first book I’ve tried to get published, or thought about trying to get published. Here now, an annotated history of never realized JG2 works.
Untitled Dead Kennedys Biography (2002) – Stalled during the research period thanks to several factors (college course load, punk rock politics, my debilitating lack of experience). I covered the nuts and bolts of this failure for Crawdaddy! in a feature called “Give Me Convenience, Give Me Death, Just Tell Me Your Real Damn Name.” The most interesting aspect may be that I put a letter in the mail addressed “East Bay Ray, San Francisco” and it actually reached the correct guy. Your tax dollars at work.
Star Wars Ruined My Life (2005) – Ten chapter essay collection covering the weirder aspects of Star Wars fandom, including my own struggles with George Lucas’s intergalactic money printing machine (#firstworldproblems). Hired a literary agent but no publisher on Earth was interested. I didn’t have a “built-in audience,” which meant my blog statistics were not impressive enough to warrant anything. This era was the beginning of “co-opt every popular thing from the Internet to stave print’s death!” I’m sure my medium talent was also an issue (I know the manuscript lacked punch / direction). I absolutely cannot remember why but for some reason I e-mailed Jay Mohr about this book; he sent a very encouraging reply peppered with some of his theories on Boba Fett, which justified my struggle.
Untitled Oral History Of My Middle School Experience (2005) – An interesting twist on the adolescent memoir (I think): interview a bunch of people I grew up with to see how their worldview around that time differed from mine, turning the whole thing into an oral history with several narrative tracks. My lit agent loved this idea and really ramped me up about it, but then Star Wars Ruined My Life didn’t go anywhere. Representation cut me loose and without a cheerleader I cooled on the concept. Compiled about a chapter and a half, though, and several people I hadn’t spoken to since 1994 taught me a lot about where we grew up and life in general.
Untitled Field Guide To Discontinued Soft Drinks (2007-08) – New Coke, Pepsi AM, OK, DnL…I thought the world needed a comprehensive encyclopedia of every soda that’s ever fallen off the figurative / literal map. Unfortunately, the stories behind these drinks are all more or less the same (they failed because they were bad and nobody bought them), and when it came down to pitching this book few people understood what exactly what I was talking about. “Oh, like a coffee table book with pictures of the sodas?” No, a field guide. Like for birds. Maybe this idea is terminally flawed.
Untitled “Gong Show” Episode Guide (2006) – An excuse to track down average weirdos and hear about their experiences on the greatest televised competition of all-time. I think I concluded too many former “Gong Show” contestants / employees would be dead, and I also worried about the book’s marketability. Chuck Barris was hot in ’06, but how long would that last?
Untitled “Simpsons” History (2009) – At the time a lot of rumors were swirling about “The Simpsons” finally coming to an end. That didn’t happen, but I abandoned this idea mainly because I heard Morgan Spurlock was making a “Simpsons” documentary. Had I known his end product would be some gimmicky forty-five minute nonsense instead of the in-depth feature length “Simpsons” doc we deserve maybe I wouldn’t have jumped ship.
My Life Is A Screenplay! (2010) – The high school teacher who semi-successfully sued 20th Century Fox for plagiarizing his Christmas comedy script read my post about Jingle All The Way being a cursed property and e-mailed me with an offer to co-write a book about his life. I had just started work on This Music Leaves Stains so I had to turn him down. There also didn’t seem to be much else in his life aside from “I sued a movie studio and won but then they took the money back.” Also, that title. Woof.
Naturally I reserve the right to resurrect any of these properties at a future juncture. You never know when Chuck Barris might be hot again.