Here’s a topical dream for you: I attended an advanced screening of the new Indiana Jones movie with my parents. It was at Steven Spielberg’s house, I think, and the movie was projected on a tiny screen on his back porch.

The opening credit sequence was thirty minutes long and bled into the first scene—Indy cleaning somebody’s pool while simultaneously looking for his famous hat. Right after that, there was this weird “Three Stooges” montage that hinted Larry, Curly, and Moe would be making an appearance in Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Said montage featured the classiest photo of Larry Fine I’ve ever seen in my life. He was in a tuxedo, bending over a table of dignitaries as if to say, “How do?”

Did I mention this was apparently taking place on Christmas Day? There was a Christmas tree and people were slowly exchanging presents as the film rolled. I think I saw Harrison Ford there. He looked very happy.

I don’t remember anything else about my dream version of Indy 4. I assume the rest of it was just as crazy as those first parts. I eventually found myself in conversation with a nearby friend about our favorite movies based on historical events. I offered The Untouchables. She said something like The Blues Brothers. Then I woke up.