Tag Archive | the inmates are running the asylum

BREAKING NEWS: No New Coke In Palau!!

Tonight I received my first report from Betsy, the girl in Palau who agreed to investigate the alleged presence of New Coke/Coke II in that region of the world on my behalf. Her initial news is not positive:

“I’ve been looking, but Palau is way way way more advanced than Yap* and it appears that there is no New Coke/Coke II to be found here. If I have any friends traveling to Yap, I’ll be sure to tell them to look. I’m sorry to bear this bad news!”

* = supposed New Coke stronghold.

Goddammit. It stands to reason that if one of Yap’s more civilized neighbors lacks a certain kind of soda, the small Micronesian island itself might also be void of said beverage. Yet the reverse is just as probable—the Republic of Palau is 300 miles outside of Micronesia. Maybe pop distribution is totally different in these two seemingly similar places. Hell, soda variety differs by the block here in Brooklyn. I never really know what I’m going to find if I’m visiting a bodega for the first time. Outside the city? Forget it. It’s a whole different soda world in places like Jersey and Connecticut.

My point is I’m not ready to admit defeat until Betsy or someone else tells me, “Yeah, I went to Yap and there’s nothin’ doin’.” Perhaps a call to the Micronesian Embassy in Manhattan is in order. I don’t know how they could help me, but it would be fun to confuse a few bureaucrats. I also can’t forget American Samoa, where New Coke is also supposedly quite prevalent. Man, I’m going a long way to try and verify the accuracy of one lousy Wikipedia entry.

No, this is more important than that. How often have you heard of a soda being banished to the other side of the world? It’s like Coca-Cola couldn’t just let New Coke go. They had to punish it for failing. If this rumor is true, it proves the people running Coca-Cola are way more insane than we thought they were.

In case you’re just joining the party, here’s a look back at all the blogging I’ve done regarding this story so far:

All Quiet On The Micronesian Front
New Coke Update #2
New Coke Update #1
The Quest For New Coke

Readers with any leads pertaining to New Coke are encouraged to speak up in the comment section.