Here’s a topical dream for you: I attended an advanced screening of the new Indiana Jones movie with my parents. It was at Steven Spielberg’s house, I think, and the movie was projected on a tiny screen on his back porch.
The opening credit sequence was thirty minutes long and bled into the first scene—Indy cleaning somebody’s pool while simultaneously looking for his famous hat. Right after that, there was this weird “Three Stooges” montage that hinted Larry, Curly, and Moe would be making an appearance in Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Said montage featured the classiest photo of Larry Fine I’ve ever seen in my life. He was in a tuxedo, bending over a table of dignitaries as if to say, “How do?”
Did I mention this was apparently taking place on Christmas Day? There was a Christmas tree and people were slowly exchanging presents as the film rolled. I think I saw Harrison Ford there. He looked very happy.
I don’t remember anything else about my dream version of Indy 4. I assume the rest of it was just as crazy as those first parts. I eventually found myself in conversation with a nearby friend about our favorite movies based on historical events. I offered The Untouchables. She said something like The Blues Brothers. Then I woke up.
Last night I had a dream in which I learned I was the fifth best Curly Howard impersonator in the country. So renowned was my Curly, apparently, that I was asked by the producers of the forthcoming Three Stooges movie to come audition for the role of everyone’s favorite bald wise-ass. I agreed, and I soon learned the auditions were being held at my old high school.
For some reason, I brought a giant backpack, the kind you might take on a camping trip or an expedition to the top of Mount Everest. I arrived at my old high school to find it had become not unlike the alternate 1985 Marty accidentally creates in Back to the Future 2. It was super scuzzy with lots of sketchy characters hanging around. The audition room was number 985 or 986. I had no idea where that was.
After a few minutes of aimless wandering, I came upon an information desk helmed by three teenagers who were absolutely no help at all. They became irate when I walked away, but not irate enough to chase me down or throw anything. I found an escalator nearby and it took me up to the 900 block of rooms. Talk about luck. I located the Curly audition room, which I could see had a great number of bald men inside hoping for their shot at fame.
Joe Pesci greeted me at the door as if he knew me. I asked him if Moe would be female in this new movie. He confirmed that fact. I went inside and immediately woke up.