Sharky, a thirty year old dolphin best known for entertaining hordes of tourists at Sea World Orlando, died Saturday after colliding with another dolphin during an aerial stunt. Sea World spokeswoman Becca Bides was quoted as saying, “This is an unfortunate, random incident.”

Tyler, the other dolphin involved in this tragic accident, was visibly shaken upon learning the news of his partner’s death. He canceled the rest of his performances for Saturday and retreated to his dressing room, where loud rock music could be heard just barely covering up uncontrollable dolphin sobs.

Shamu, Sea World’s star killer whale, remarked to reporters this morning, “You know, I may be like the fifteenth Shamu, but this is just fucked up. You never want anyone to die here. Well, except maybe that new guy they’ve got playing Sir Winston Walrus. That guy’s a straight-up prick. Anyway, Sharky was my boy. I’ll miss him.”

No one had Sharky in the death pool. Scores remain unchanged.

P.S. – To sum up the lengthy rant I originally posted here, just how “random” is it that two dolphins at Sea World accidentally collided? The tanks they perform in aren’t very big, and they swim and jump around in them all damn day. It seems like inadvertent dolphin collisions should happen a lot more often. Kudos to all the dolphins at Sea World who manage not to slam into each other.

P.P.S. – It just dawned on me that this deceased dolphin’s name was Sharky. That’s like having a cat named Puppy.