Across The Universe: Like Hair, only thirty times longer as well as thirty times less interesting. A true test for anyone who’s merely “meh” about the Beatles. The only Fab Four references they missed, I think, were Mark David Chapman and “Free As A Bird.” Perhaps those will turn up in Across The Universe 2: We Really Changed Things Back In The Sixties, But Now It’s The Eighties And We’ve Sold Out Our Ideals For High-Paying Jobs And Land In New Jersey.
Let The Right One In: Swedish vampire film named after a Morrissey song. The cinematography is interesting, but the plot is just as predictable as any other vampire flick in movie history. C’mon, little guy, why do you think your girlfriend is only available at night and has never heard of a Rubik’s Cube?
Dutch: I used to love this movie, but now I see it may have just been the undercooked Uncle Buck sequel John Candy refused to make. Still, Ed O’Neil is great in it, and the kid is a sort of realistic character. I kind of feel I was like that at that age. I would have never back-sassed Al Bundy like that, though. My Momma didn’t raise no fool.
MASH: A true classic. Chock full o’ enticing characters and Sahara dry humor. Plus, Gary Burghoff—is there any funnier nebbish?
Coming To America: Eriq La Salle is such an asshole in this movie. You just wanna slam his jeri-curled head right into a wall. On the other hand, Arsenio is so likable in this movie, you just wanna give him a syndicated talk show and watch him run it into the ground.