So, America by and large is sort of choosing to ignore a startling fact regarding the new Star Trek movie, a fact that only came to my attention within the last twenty-four hours. If you haven’t seen the movie yet, this alarming piece of information might deter you from doing so. If you wish not to be smacked in the face with the cold wash cloth of reality, please stop reading here.
Tyler Perry is in the new Star Trek movie. Yes, that Tyler Perry.
I know, I know—isn’t that weird? What’s funny is when I first saw him up on the screen, I thought he was Eriq La Salle (which is only funny because the last blog post I wrote before going to see Star Trek briefly talked about Eriq La Salle). As this guy is yammering away about the Kobayashi Maru or whatever, I’m sittin’ there thinkin’, Man, Eriq La Salle is really puffin’ out these days…he needs to lay off the Burger King. And what’s with the lack of facial hair? What’s with it is the character of Admiral Richard Barnett is portrayed by Tyler Fucking Perry, not Goatee-Rockin’ “E.R.” Doctor From Way Back When.
Naturally, the presence in Star Trek of the cross-dressing morality play author who sassed his way into a cottage industry begs the largest WTF? of the week. Admiral Richard Barnett is Tyler Perry’s first non-Madea role. By that I mean Star Trek is the first movie Tyler Perry has appeared in that he didn’t write, produce, or direct in any fashion. Is Madea a closet Trekkie? I guess. Either that or “House of Payne” turned into a money pit faster than you can say “poor man’s ‘Cosby Show'” and Perry needs all the scratch he can get now.
“Warp FIVE—don’t make me hurt your white ass!”
Now, I’m inclined to think the role of Admiral Richard Barnett was originally offered to someone else. My theory is Eddie Murphy, who probably turned it down because he thinks he’s too good for bit parts these days (“I have a three lead role minimum in my contract!”). Murphy, as I’m sure you hardcore Trekkies already know, is a fan of the original series and was supposed to be in Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home as some kind of professor comically obsessed with locating the crew of the Enterprise and their stolen Klingon Bird of Prey. Instead, Eddie opted to do The Golden Child; draw your own conclusions about that decision.
With no Eddie Murphy, J.J. Abrams put the feelers out, ostensibly, to find another Hollywood Trek fan he could wedge into his movie, and he ended up with Tyler Perry. George Wendt must have asked for too much money. ZING!
But I kid the guy who makes eight thousand times my yearly income pretending to be a feisty grandmother. It’s just so interesting that he popped up in Star Trek (which you should still totally go see if you haven’t because it rocks). Him and Winona Ryder, man. Yeah, Winona Ryder’s in this shit, too. I had difficulty recognizing her as well – probably because her last theatrical release happened sometime during the Paleozoic Era. OHHHH, I’M ON FIRE TONIGHT!
While we’re talking about ridiculous Star Trek shit, check out this incredible DeForest Kelley tribute I found on YouTube:
You simply were the best, DeForest.